So what happens when you don’t look like everyone else? When you aren’t like your peers, parents, or anyone in your familial group? How does a biracial child develop their sense of self when they have no inspiration to go off of? 

Being biracial in America comes with a lot of nuances. Although most of society would like us to fit into one box or another, we often stick out like a sore thumb.

And it is often this uniqueness that gets attacked. The life of a multicultural child in America can quite often go one of two ways; learning self acceptance and self love or feeling alienated and worthless wishing they could fit in. 

It took me well into my 30’s to fully understand who I was and how to navigate such an existence. From an early age I remember feeling like the odd man out. Not quite fitting in with any of my friend groups. Later in life this manifested itself as low self esteem which ultimately was the causation for a lot of mishaps in my journey. While I don’t regret any of it, as it made me who I am today. It is something I don’t wish for any mixed child growing up. Everyone has a need to feel loved, known and valued. But these things can’t happen if we don’t love, know and value ourselves. And that all starts with our sense of identity. 

How to Help Mixed Children Develop a Strong Sense of Identity 

A child’s development and identity formation go hand and hand. As a parent to a mixed raced child knowing how to raise a biracial child is critical. While some parents may be teaching their children about a singular culture’s heritages and traditions, parents of mixed children have to do so for both sides of the child’s lineage. It is important to mention that while this may fall into the lap of one parent as opposed to two, it is still vital that an effect is put forth. 

I make no promises that it will be easy. Diving into a culture you may know nothing about in an attempt to teach your child can be scary, to say the least. Not wanting to offend, overstep or even appropriate another culture are all very normal reactions. But that does not mean we should shy away from it. Instead, learning as much as you can from others from that culture, researching as much as you can, listening and learning and ultimately asking questions (even when you feel it may be stupid) are the best ways to navigate it. Lean into what you don’t understand, being open and honest with yourself and child along the way. The more effort you put into it, the better the outcome for everyone involved. 

Start Young 

Forming an identity for children is something that starts as soon as they are born. From the moment a newborn hears their mother’s voice they begin to form a sense of self. Teaching young children about their culture, heritage, and traditions on both sides of their family tree is a great way to begin this process. Finding fun identity activities for children that incorporate diversity and also help teach how our racial uniqueness is to be celebrated help to strengthen their sense of identity. Having a good foundation on who they are will help alleviate any feelings of alienation they could potentially experience later in life. 

Look for Signs of Self-Doubt & Counteract It Early 

No matter the age, having high self esteem and confidence can go a long way. Positive identity development is key in fostering these in biracial children. I mean, could you imagine never quite feeling like you fit in? That everyone around you is somehow different and you aren’t enough like this or don’t look enough like that to be considered a part of the group? As a biracial woman I can tell you first hand how important self identity is for multicultural children. Without it, mixed race children suffer and begin to develop self doubt. 

This can look like believing a certain demographic is the prettiest. I remember when my daughter was about three years old and she told me how much she hated her hair and skin. That she wanted to be pretty like her baby dolls and have long yellow hair just like them. To say my heart was shattered is an understatement. But it opened my eyes to the importance of not only representation but also the importance of self identity in mixed children. 

Other signs may include looking for validation from others. This can come in the form of wanting all the newest, most expensive things in order to “be better than” their friends. 

If you find yourself in a similar situation as the one I found myself in a few years ago a few ways to counteract it are: 

• Daily affirmations – Don’t just tell your child how amazing they are, have them say it as well
• Representation – Show them any and everyone who looks like them. Barack Obama, Halle Berry, the dentist around the corner. The point is to let them know that biracial people are just as amazing, successful and cool as anyone else. 
• Books, books and more books – There are so many books available now that offer some amazon guidance on raising a mixed child. From learning to love their hair to embracing the skin they are in and everything in between. 

The most important thing to remember here is communication. You can give your children books to read, movies to watch, or dolls to play with until they’re blue in the face. But nothing will trump hearing it from you. 

Teach Them Both of Their Cultures and Backgrounds

As a biracial woman, I wish I could properly articulate the struggles I’ve had not knowing who or where I’m from. Having no help with the development of personal identity as a child, it took me a long time to feel completely whole and comfortable as a mixed woman. Which is why I can honestly say knowing their cultural background plays an important role in how children acquire a sense of identity. So take the time to teach them, not just yours, but both. And if you’re struggling with the other half, here’s some food for thought. 

My mother was adopted, and it was a closed adoption. Which means, to this day we have no idea who her family is. Luckily for me, I have done one of those DNA tests to help me identify some of her background. But adding that to the sad reality of most Blacks not knowing their own history due to slavery and I’m stuck. Stuck with a very limited view on my family heritage and traditions. And yet, I do my best to teach my children what I do know. Explaining mine and my husband’s culture to them the best I can. Filling in gaps as honestly as I can. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but leaving out an entire piece of who they are just isn’t doable. 

Celebrate Their Feature

There are going to be a lot of people who fetishize your child’s features. Saying things like, “you have such beautiful skin for a mixed girl.” Or “you’d never know he was biracial with all that pretty hair.” Do them and you a favor. Prepare them. Teach them that while their uniqueness is to be celebrated, microaggressioins and fetisization are not. 

Encourage a Sense of Belonging

This is probably one of the most important things we as parents can do for our multicultural child. Being mixed is almost like being caught in the middle. And while most like to joke that biracial kids have the best of both worlds, that is not often the case. 

Identity for kids is more than who they are. It’s knowing they belong. Even if they don’t look like others around them. Just because you look different from mommy and daddy doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love. Even if you are the only multicultural child in class doesn’t make you any less valuable. Using encouraging sayings like these help children feel connected and grounded. The younger you start the better the outcome. 

Help Them Foster Relationships with People from All Races

Having a biracial child is more than just teaching them about their culture. Its more than buying books about their hair, watching Halle Berry movies or talking about how incredible Barack Obama is. Mixed children need to see diversity. They need to know about not only their own cultural makeup but also those of other races. Take your child to the different parks in different communities so they have a chance to meet new friends. Enroll them in a school that embraces diversity and has the student body to prove it. The first step in knowing you aren’t alone for your uniqueness is see others and learning to celebrate theirs. 

Provide Space to Develop Their Own Individuality 

This is one of the topics I see a lot of parents struggle with. I hear them saying things like, well I want them to know they’re Irish as well as Black. Or they not gaviate towards their Swedish side and mostly resonate with their Puerto Rican family. And my question to this is always, why does that concern you so much? 

Promoting a sense of identity in your child means exactly that. Allowing them to develop their OWN identity. Yes, they need guidance from their parents. But guidance and control are two completely different things. 

And I get it, my mom was the same way. She’d ask me why I would say I was black as opposed to saying I was mixed. She compared it to me saying she didn’t exist outside of our home. Although I have empathy for her and how hearing her mixed child say that may have made her feel, the harsh reality is that’s how I identify. It’s how I am perceived by the world. It’s how I am treated the minute I step outside of my home. 

So while I may know my mother is French and my father is Black, to the rest of the society I am a black woman. I am treated as such day in and day out. Black culture is what I resonate most with and it shaped who I am today.  

I say all this to say, at one point I tried to appease her. I went around saying I was mixed and “not just black” as a way to honor her. But those words are rooted in anti-blackness. As if being black was wrong or bad and I was therefore trying to put myself as close to “whiteness” as possible. And I regret every day that I felt this way at one point. I regret everyday that I ever uttered those words.

While my mother may have had good intentions, it’s words like hers that uphold white supremacy ideology.  So I beg you, don’t do that. Do not try to guilt trip your child into identifying as one race over the other. Or to make sure they mention their biracial roots more often than just the one they feel most connected with. Our children are individuals just like everyone else in this world. And they deserve to make that decision on their own. 

Conclusion

Young children’s sense of identity is a very fragile thing. Which is why it needs to be cultivated and celebrated. Especially in our biracial children. Putting away any racial biases you may have and helping your little one grow into a strong and confident adult should be the ultimate goal. Even if that means asking some hard questions and making some personal changes along the way. Mixed children who have a strong sense of identity from a young age have been shown to be more successful, more confident and overall lead a happy life. And I’m sure that’s what we all want for our kiddos.

The post How to Help Your Young Biracial Kids with Their Sense of Identity  appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Many parents assume just loving their child will be enough, yet that is often far from the truth. Struggles with self identity, alienation, and not being sure how to embrace their whole self are just some of the issues mixed race children have to learn to navigate. Not to mention the fetishization that the parents of biracial children will have to wade off. 

9 Tips for Raising a Biracial Child

While I am no expert nor do I speak for all mixed race persons, I do believe my own experiences can help shed light on how to raise a biracial child. Being raised by a white mom who didn’t exactly embrace my uniqueness as a mixed child, I am hoping my perspective helps others looking to understand. Even if you are not of dual or multiple heritages yourself, knowing how to approach these experiences may very well be the key to a happier childhood. 

1. Explore Both Family Trees at an Early Age

Studies show that children as young as four can understand differences in race and culture. Talking to your child about both sides of their heritage is vital. The traditions, explaining both cultures, and immersing them into what makes them who they are at an early age is key. These conversations will help your biracial child develop their own identity. 

2. Talk Openly About Race and Race Relations

Raising biracial kids does not mean teaching them to “not see color.” Sadly color, or race, makes up one part or another of history across the globe. No matter where you live, race has played some role in the traditions and history. Which is why talking openly to your multicultural child is the only way to prepare them for adult life. 

Even if you yourself have never been a victim of racism, learn as much as you can. Teach your child as much as you can. Children of multiethical backgrounds have vastly different experiences from others. You will be doing your child a disservice to leave this conversation to a day when “you think they’ll be ready.”  Starting young with age appropriate information and expanding as they grow is the best way to counterbalance the way the world may treat them. 

3. Help Your Children Embrace Their Identity

Self-identity is the one thing most mixed people struggle with. Being told they aren’t blank enough or don’t really look blank can be confusing and often lead to alienation. Helping your child embrace their identity can help alleviate these feelings. 

Research shows that biracial kids who are allowed to embrace all components of their heritage have the best chance of success. Whereas multiracial children forced to choose a single-race identity tend to suffer from a false expression of self. 

Raising a child of a different race may seem impossible. Especially when it comes to parts of a culture you know nothing about. When these situations arise, do your best to educate yourself. Be honest and explain to your biracial child that you are both learning together at that moment. 

4. Expose Myths About Mixed Kids 

One of the challenges of raising a biracial child are the myths. Things like mixed people must identify as mixed or they are sell outs. Biracial persons are raceless and therefore will end racism. Or my personal favorite, multicultural people are some exotic novelty that are meant to be fetishized. 

As ridiculous as these may sound, there are actually many more. And unfortunately, there are the misconceptions anyone of mixed-race will have to go up against as they navigate through life. Prepare your children as they grow. Face these myths head on and show them just how silly they actually are. 

5. Don’t Gloss Over Hard Topics

There are going to be some rough topics that come about. Conversations you’re going to wish you don’t have to have. Please have them. Do not try to preserve their innocent by glossing over these hard topics. Because if they don’t learn it from you, they will learn it from someone else. And it may not be in a kind manner. 

6. Choose a Multicultural School or Community if You Can 

Your child’s school and classmates will largely influence the way they perceive their biracial identity. Looking for a school with a diverse set of children enrolled will help them feel more comfortable and welcomed. Being around children from different cultures and races, including biracial children, will have a positive effect on your child.

Additionally try to choose a neighborhood or locality that has other multi-racial families living there. These are going to be the best place to raise a biracial child. It’s not only important for our children to see themselves represented on television and in the books they read, but also in their everyday life. 

7. Train Your Kids to Be Confident & Comfortable in Their Skin 

Raising a mixed race child means taking time to boost their self confidence as often as possible. There may not be many people who look like them. Or maybe their hair is different from mommy and daddy’s. No matter their differences, teach your child these are what make them unique. And their uniqueness is what makes them special. 

8. Inspire a Right View of Labels

As sad as it is, society likes to force labels on all of us. From our personalities to our race. And when we don’t fit into one of those boxes, we are often only left with “other.” Mutliracial children are not going to fit the mold. They will also go against societal norms. Teach them to embrace that. 

People will tell them to choose a label based on their father. Or because they look more blank they should claim that. They should never feel the need to conform to any label. They are who they are, no matter what box anyone else tries to put them in. 

9. Stand Your Ground 

Momma, at the end of the day, this is your child. You know what is best, you know your child best. Do what works best for you and your home. Educate yourself, ask questions, but make sure to follow your gut. 

There are so many ways to raise a multicultural family, and the very fact that you are looking for tips means you’re on the right path. 

Raising a biracial child as a mixed mom, I often find myself struggling. Not wanting to leave my children in the dark like I was as a child, I sometimes can go overboard. Finding that line right in the middle has been hard for me. But I found solace knowing I am doing my best. 

Never forget that part. When things get hard, when it seems you’ve forgotten something. Or maybe you didn’t prepare your biracial child for a certain situation, know you are doing your best. 

Are You Raising a Biracial Child?

Although raising a biracial child comes with a unique set of challenges. These hurdles can be lessened by celebrating and accepting the cultural diversity of your child. Make sure to maintain an open line of communication and be understanding of any racial struggles they may face. Embrace their uniqueness and teach them to do the same. 

One of the biggest things I wish my mother would have done was take the time to understand the world I was growing up in. And taking the time to not only listen but actively understand the struggles I was facing. If you do nothing else as a parent to a mixed race child, be their safe space. 

The post 9 Things I Wish I Could Tell Every Mixed Mom About Raising Biracial Kids appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Unfortunately for us, our race still plays a huge role in society. Being judge based solely on the color of ones skin. And although it would be nice if our skin tone had nothing to do with our self identity, it does. For biracial children, the color of their skin plays an even greater role. 

Imagine being asked where you’re from almost daily. Or if you’re insert foreign ethnicity not even remotely close to who you are. This is just a small apart of what it feels like to be mixed feels like. Growing up in a racially dominated society, biracial person’s are often TOLD who they are. Where we’re from. And where we belong well before we even open our mouths. 

“You’re not blank enough so stop trying to pretend.” “No way you’re blank. Stop lying.” I’ve heard these and many others far more often than I’d care to admit. And it always left me wondering where I fit it. 

Who exactly was I if I was too this or not enough of that to belong to any one group? How was I supposed to identify myself, when those within my own cultures didn’t believe I belong? 

As a multicultural woman, I have struggled with my own self identity for many years. We didn’t have those types of conversations when I was growing up. My heritage was never explained to me. Nor was I given the opportunity to explore who I was as a child. It is this lack of encouragement that led to me questioning if I ever truly belonged. 

I wholeheartedly believe that had my parents taken the time to teach me how to have a positive self identity I would not have suffered all those years. And that is why I want to share with you the importance of your children’s identities and why you should be an active participant in helping your mixed child develop it. 

What Is Self Identity?

First things first, don’t get it confused with social identity. The two do work in tandem but there are differences. Our social identity is how we see ourselves in relation to the groups we belong too. Such as our family, peers, or co-workers.  Where self identity is how we see ourselves. It’s how we see our individualities in regards to those around us. Our self identity shapes what we think of the very things that make us unique. Do you celebrate your child’s coil hair or tell her its unmanageable? Do you encourage your child to have fun in the sun during summer months? Or warn them not to get “too dark?” 

While these things may seem insignificant, comments like these are damaging to a child’s self identity. They may begin to question if their differences / uniqueness is a bad thing. 

Why Self Identity Is So Important (Especially for Biracial Kids) 

The importance of self identity goes beyond childhood. And the lack therefore can be seen in many areas of a child’s life. Having a healthy sense of self identity helps shape who they are. A positive sense of identity helps develop self-esteem and confidence. Children with a good grasp on how they are, naturally feel worthy and capable. This, in turn, makes them more likely to be optimistic and to do well in school. 

Self identity can also help children be more open to people from other backgrounds. When a person is confident in themselves, it is less likely for them to fear differences or put others down to feel better about themselves. 

Studies have shown that children establish their identity in early childhood. The process actually begins at birth! Babies figure out who they are from those around them. In the first few hours they can tell one smell from another, one voice from another. Hence why infants typically can look in the direction of their mother when she speaks, even at just a few hours old. And as our babies grow emotionally close to us, they begin to associate our smell, sound, and touch and recognize that we are their “safe space” early on. But how does this affect their self identity? 

Children who are raised in diverse families and communities learn to understand differences in others. Variations in how people look, feel, and sound are all normal for them. However children who have a more homogeneous family expect the human face, voice and touch to be a particular skin color or tone. 

Being a parent to a biracial child means exposing them to as many differences as possible. Letting them explore both of their cultures will help them learn that their own differences are okay. They will grow to feel less alienated. Mixed children can be empowered to embrace all of who they are. 

Look for These Signs of Self-Identity Issues

Whlie identity development begins at a very young age, teenage identity development is just as critical. Certain stressors can lead teenagers to look for their identity in other places. Looking to help define their identities, children experiencing an identity crisis may exhibit certain behaviors. 

Examples of identity issues can be things like seeking validation from others. Wanting status symbols or to be the “cool” kid are all ways children look for validation. Additionally children lacking a positive self-identity may begin acting out. Displaying behaviors that may be taboo or considered “grown up.” Forming or joining cliques and rebelling against one’s parents are other examples of the impact of a poor identity.

Parenting Mixed Kids? How to Help Them Develop a Positive Self Identity

Understanding self identity is key if you want to help your children develop theirs. In order to foster young children’s sense of identity we as parents must first value them. Showing your child how amazing their uniqueness is helps them to see how special they are. Ways to do this include listening when they speak (and not being judgment or dismissive) as it lets them know they are important. Try to be a safe space for them to express their feelings and emotions with you. 

Its also important to encourage your child to make their own decisions and choices. This teaches them its okay to make mistakes. And when they say they can do something, give them the space to do so. Even if we think they may mess it up. 

Additionally, raise a problem solving. Provide plenty of opportunities for them to think outside of the box. Avoid walking them through every aspect of their lives. Ask questions that promote questioning things and encourage them to find a better solution. 

And lastly, help your child learn how to treat others. Our differences are what make us special. Instill this in your child and instruct them to be loving and accepting of everyone they meet. Taking them to different places where they can learn about, see, and encounter not only people who don’t look like them, but also different cultures is a great way to facilitate this. 

Invest Time Now So They Can Reap the Benefits of Self Identity for Years to Come

By now I hope the importance of personal identity is evident. As a parent to a biracial child the things you say and do have lasting effects on their identities. The more we as their role models model accepting and loving behavior of not only them but everyone around us, we teach our children to be strong in these three areas. Areas that if cultivated will carry them further in life. 

1. Confidence

Confidence can get you in a room you were never intended to be in. It is what told Micheal Jackson he could have a solo career after years of being in the Jackson Five. (Am I showing my age? LOL). Our level of confidence plays a major role in our psychology. 

Your biracial child’s confidence will tell them they belong even when others say they don’t. It will help them shake those negative thoughts formed from years of hearing they aren’t blank enough. Having confidence will help a mixed woman joyful proclaim she is neither one or the other and shall not be confirmed to any racially driven box that society tries to put her in. 

2. Strong Sense of Belonging

As I mentioned earlier, I have felt alienated most of my life. I was near sure where I belonged. As a Black and White biracial child I was often told I wasn’t black enough. Or I acted too white. This made me question where I’d fit in. If the two races that made me shunned me, who could possibly like me?

Your multicultural child needs to know they belong. Having a strong sense of belonging is vital in their development. Especially as a teen. Our teenage years are when we start to gravitate towards people who we feel “get” us. It’s during these times that we make lasting connections based on who we believe ourselves to be. Having a strong sense of not only who you are but where you belong in the world around you will ensure those connections are the right ones. 

3. Satisfaction with Life

Have you ever felt like your entire life was a waste? LIke you could be gone tomorrow and no one would care? I can tell you that I have. I can tell you that for a long time I struggled with being okay with myself. And I finally figured out why. I didn’t know myself. I had no idea who I was. My lack of self identity left me feeling unsatisfied with my life. 

Being satisfied with life is more than just being okay with your career path. Its being happy with your choices overall. Having no regrets as some like to say. Even if you’ve made mistakes, you’re able to look at them as learning experiences. Continuing to move forward despite them. We all want that for our children. Teaching them to have a positive self identity encourages this. 

No matter our racial background, we must be aware of how children’s sense of self can be shaped by experiences in the world. Sometimes based solely on their race. And if your goal is to help your biracial child develop a strong, positive sense of themselves then the importance of self identity should not be something you take lightly.  

The post Why Discovering Self-Identity Is So Important for Mixed Kids (& Tips for Helping Them Find It) appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Explaining Culture to a Child in Terms They Can Understand 

Before one can dive into how, the question of why must be answered. Why culture is important? Having a child of a mixed / biracial / multicultural background will definitely play a role in the necessity for them to know their culture. Growing up as a biracial child (black and white) I often felt isolated. I didn’t know much about my mother’s side of the family. My father didn’t speak about his family and its culture either. This left me with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. 

Knowing one’s cultures does more than just make you knowledgeable. Cultural awareness and strong ties to one’s family traditions help children develop not only a positive sense of identity but also build self-esteem. It is literally the foundation of who they are and who they will become. 

When talking to your child about their culture it’s important to do so in terms they can understand. A simple definition of culture for kids can be something like “Our culture is the history of our people. It is what makes us who we are. And helps us identify with others around us.” Or an even simpler way to explain it would be to say “Culture is what makes us, us. And it is an important part of our self identity.”

What It Means (& Looks Like Internally) to Be Biracial

Having two very diverse cultural backgrounds can be confusing for anyone, but especially a child. From the outside most people only see their “exotic” features but being biracial gives you a duality that is hard to explain at times. Which is why teaching kids about their culture is so important, but especially so for multicultural children. 

Tips for Teaching Both Cultures to Mixed Race Kids 

I have often found that adults complicate things way more than we need to. We often think children can’t understand this or won’t be able to handle that. When the truth is, they are more than equipped to do just that. If you are struggling with how to talk to your children about their cultures, ask yourself why? Is it because you are afraid they may not understand? Do you think it will make them “hate” themselves or feel some sort of shame for their ancestors’ past? Do you think the best way to protect them is to hide it from them? Well, like every movie ever made has shown us, hiding anything from anyone ALWAYS backfires. Whose feelings are you really trying to protect? Sit down, reflect, and make sure it’s not your own. 

It is imperative when approaching these types of conversations it is done with love and truth. Which means setting aside our own beliefs or feelings. As parents it is our job to guide our children not direct them. So as I list some tips, I’ll also recommend ways to ensure the conversations / activities are as unbiased as possible. 

Explore Your Family Tree Together

When we think of culture we sometimes forget it includes our own family tree. But it’s actually the perfect place to start. Your family culture will have the biggest impact on your children. Teaching them who their great grandparents are, what they did and where they are from are all vital tidbits that will help shape their identity. 

Talk About Both of Your Upbringings

Family traditions have been passed down from generation to generation. All by children learning what it was like for their parents growing up. This is one of the easiest ways to help with a young child’s sense of identity. 

Have fun with these discussions. While still being as truthful as you can. They may have questions and it’s important that we answer them. 

Let Them Ask the Hard Questions

Remind yourself that a child has never been here before. Therefore they are naturally curious. The questions they are asking are not out of spite or malicious. Even if its hard for you to answer, communicatie that to them. But then do your best to answer. 

History repeats itself unless we do something about it. That something starts with talking about the mistakes of the past. 

Expose Them to Role Models from Both Cultures

This one may seem hard, especially depending on what your culture is. But a role model can be someone they know personally, or a celebrity. Culture for kids is about seeing themselves in others. It inspires them and helps build their self confidence when they see others doing things they dream of doing. Especially with all the negativity on the television or social media these days.

Pass on Family Traditions

Teaching family traditions has so many benefits. Not only can it help explain your family’s history to your child, it can also bring the two of you together. Having a set ritual also provides a designed time for family members to bond and interact with one another. In addition to building trust filled relationships. 

Passing along different family cultures is a great tool for instilling identity as well. Adults who struggle with their own identity are often those whose parents choose not to teach them about their family history. 

So if you’re a mom raising a biracial or mixed child, teaching them all you know about both sides is extremely important. And if you don’t know much about one side, researching their heritage and customs is great too. 

Emphasize That It’s Not About “Choosing Sides”

Oftentimes biracial children feel like they have to choose a side. We are told 

“You’re not (insert race) enough.” Or “You look more (insert race) so you can’t pretend to be (insert other race). “

And it often leaves us feeling isolated. As if we do not truly belong. So teaching a mixed child about their culture is not about choosing a side. But about helping them come to understand and love all of who they are. One can’t be whole with only half the picture. 

Normalize (and Celebrate) Differences

Everyone is different. There is no denying that. But when it comes to raising a multicultural child, celebrating these differences is vital. Cultural differences in raising children are what makes us all unique. It’s what shaped our view of the world around us. So when two cultures come together to make one human being, it is important to normalize all of the differences. 

Taking time to learn, normalize and celebrate these differences will help your child from feeling like a part of them is bad or wrong. For most of my life I was told white was better. That being white was the right way. And while my father is a black man and was very present in my upbringing, his culture was never discussed. Or celebrated. So when I saw movies or heard people degrading it I believed them. Which made me ashamed to be black. And it wasn’t until I got older that I realized all of who I am makes me a truly amazing person. 

Engage in Cultural Activities

I had a discussion with someone on Instagram about teaching their child how to not be racist. One of the main points I made was to engage in other cultures’ traditions. She was, of course, hesitant as cultural appropriation is real. However it is important to note, it is only cultural appropriation or erasure when you take something from another culture with no intention of crediting them.  

Children learn through play. So doing activities that can help children understand diversity is the best way to teach them about it. This is especially true for mixed children. Being from two different cultural backgrounds means one parent is going to have to learn about another culture. It means you are going to have to engage in their traditions. Be a part of their culture. Even if it didn’t work out with the other parent.

I know my city often has lots of festivals depending on the time of the year. Many celebrate different ethnicities. Additionally the public library is another great place to engage in some cultural activities with your child. Oh and I can’t forget your closet children’s museum!  

I know this is easier said than done, but making an effort is the difference between raising an antiracist child or not. 

There truly isn’t a one way fits all when it comes to how to explain culture to a child. Things like your own upbringing, family traditions, and what you know about the other parent’s culture will have a major impact on this. What is important to keep in mind is that in most cases the effort is worth more than anything else. Sure you’ll make mistakes. Of course you may some saying thats incorrect, a little prejudice, or maybe even degrading to another culture. But the more research you do the more knowledge you will become. Just remember to keep an open mind and heart throughout the process. 

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Many of you don’t know this about me, but I have been braiding hair since I was 11 years old, and it all started with my brothers. Which means I’ve done my fair share of mixed boy and girl braids and hairstyles for well over twenty years now. Wow, I definitely feel old. 

It started because my younger brother wanted to grow out his multicultural hair, but our mom had no idea how to care for it. There were summers where all I did was practice braiding his hair. Being the perfectionist that I am, I wanted each braid, part, literally everything to be perfect or I’d start over again. 

It’s funny, because to this day, both of my brothers prefer me to anyone else doing their hair. They say, I just get it. And I think that’s important to mention here. Solely because, when it comes to biracial hair care for boys it is often done the same as any other head of hair. But depending on their curl type, this can spell disaster for them. 

For example, my older brother had a finner, wavier hair texture. Similar to 3A hair honestly. While my younger brother was closer to 3C, maybe even 4A in some places with how thick his hair was. The techniques I use to style my brother with 3A hair are often not the same ones I use for the one with the thicker curlier hair. Throughout this post, I will do my best to provide tips and tricks to make each style shine, no matter the curl pattern. So your little curly haired cutie can look and feel just as cool as he is!

Our Favorite Braided Styles and Haircuts That Work Best for Biracial Hair Types 

Being a mother of four boys, all with some amazing hair that is extremely different from each other, I am grateful I learned how to braid mixed hair when I was a child. But if you don’t know there are lots of videos on Youtube that can show you. I even made a few videos on Instagram as well. 

Ultimately, one thing that’s important to remember when doing any style is to detangle first. Having tangled hair will make doing any braids on multicultural hair ten times harder.

1. Tight Thin Braids 

While these can take a longer to do, I love how neat they typically are and how long they last. If you’re not into a weekly hair day, tight thin braids may be just for you. 

2. Tight Thick Braids

When doing a younger boys hair, thicker braids are a quick and easy way to style mixed baby boy hair. These usually consist of six or less braids and can vary in design. I typically like to do some that go straight back or part directly down the middle of his head and do four or so braids doing down the sides. Similar to the late rapper Pop Smoke’s hairstyle. Pro tip: use a parting comb for precise parts.

3. High Fade

Mixed kids haircuts can seem a little daunting. Espiecally since, if not taken serious they can alter your son’s curl pattern. I always recommend finding someone who is knowledgeable in curly hair and how to cut it properly.

4. Zig Zag

“As you can see, the zig zag braids can mean more than one thing. But the versatility doesn’t stop there. These can be mixed toddler boy braids or even braids for a young man as well.

5. Mohawk Braid

The mohawk braid is one I have not done on my own son’s hair, but definitely something I want to try. I love how simple it can be (only one braid directly down the middle of his hair) or how detailed you can take it. Like the image above using smaller braids to feed into the larger one.

6. Top Knot 

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I absolutely love a little boy with a top knot or man bun as I like to call them. I think they are the sweetest thing. When doing this style for your multicultural son, make sure his hair is well moisturized to protect it from outside elements such as the heat from the sun.

7. Undercut with Braids 

I was not a fan of this hairstyle at first, but it has since been growing on me. I prefer it done without cutting the hairs in the front and solely the hair from ear to ear. Depending on how high you take this cut, it can also start to look more like a fade with braids versus an undercut with braids. So I recommend bringing inspiration images to the barbershop for your mixed boy.

8. The Fishtail Braid

Also called Iversons or fish bone braids these can be time consuming. Depending on how many larger braids you decided to do will ultimately depict how much time it takes. These do tend to be a style that can last for a longer time, which is why I love them.

9. Cornrows 

Cornrow braids have been a thing since the dawn of time. These are simple braids that typically go straight back. These are some of the first braids I did on my mixed brother before moving on to more complicated styles.

10. Side Braid with Center Design

My oldest is currently obsessed with these braids. Whenever its his turn to get his hair done he ask for this same style. I love that takes something simple and adds a bit of creativity to it. There are endless possibilities and is something one can have a lot of fun doing.

11. Dreads

This style can be great for mixed kids with long hair. Dreads are easier to maintain, getting retwisted every 2-3 weeks in the beginning but then spreading it out to 4-5 weeks once locking has started. They are also pretty versatile as you an style them in any other hairstyle you can think of. From braiding your braids, to twisting them into two strand twist, it always looks so amazing.

Depending on your multicultural child’s hair texture, it may be best to have a professional start the process for you. Some hair types take longer to lock or require a more skilled approached to achieve dreads.

12. Box Braids

Box braids for mixed boys is a favorite of mine. As you can see, from the image of my oldest with green hair, I like to get creative with these. It gives them a chance to truly express themselves via their hair. Be that adding some colored synthetic hair, getting washable colored hair wax/spray, or styling the box braids in buns, a pony or other styles can truly change the look of them.

13. The Side Shave 

Simple to a fade or even a mohawk this haircut is so cute on littles.

14. Boy Bun with Braids

Its a top knot but with braids and I adore this style some much. I’ve done my son’s hair like this on more then one occasion and always get questions asking to verify his gender. Why it matters to a complete stranger I’ll never know, but something to consider.

15. Dual Braids

Simple and to the point, two French braids are my go to when we are in a rush or need s style fast.

16. Freestyle

There are a lot of hairstyles for mixed guys with curly hair and one of my favorites are freestyle braids. These are braids where the braider did just that, freestyle. It often means there is no rhyme or reason to the braids but they come out looking so amazing.

17. Fauxhawk

One of my favorite hair cuts for little boys. Its such a cool looking cut and definitely perfect for your little rock star.

18. Twists All Over

Another style I do a lot in my home, is twists. There are two ways to do them, but I prefer the twist and then twist method shown here.

19. Three Layer Braids

This is a style I do a lot on my boys. These mixed boy braids are easy, don’t take much time and last for a while. I actually just did my middle son’s hair like this on Sunday.

20. Reverse Braid

You may be wondering what a reverse braid is. Well if you look back over the other styles I’ve shared, you may notice a difference in how the braids sit in the hair. For a reverse (or overhand) braid, the hair is pulled from over the braids instead of from under it which makes the braid sit under the hair. These braids look cool but it is not something I have been able to master just yet. But you can believe once I do, its something my sons will be trying!

How Long Do Braids Last in Mixed Hair?

This is an area with vastly different view points depending on who you are talking to. Outside of the fact that braids may last longer or shorter depending on the curl pattern, how fine or thick the hair is as well as how tightly the braids are done, there are a number of additional factors to consider. 

I put hair health before anything, so for me there is always a line I won’t cross when it comes to my children’s multicultural hair. As I mentioned above, I do not keep any hairstyle in my mixed children’s hair longer than three weeks. This time frame came from trial and error as well as a lot of research. 

For my children, depending on the size, tightness and overall health of their hair, braids could honestly last a lot longer. But at what cost. Hair needs to breathe. So keeping in a particular style for long periods of time can be damaging. 

With that being said, there are some styles that are meant to last longer. Box braids and twist for example can last longer but they do require regular care for the hair. Things like washing the scalp, getting the scalp and hair moisturized are key to maintain health.  Mixed boy braids do not have to be hard to maintain, but proper care can go a long way.

How We Care for My Mixed Boy’s Hair 

Less is more. This is the concept I keep in mind wherever I am doing my boys hair. We have a weekly hair day where I wash, detanlge and then style each of my mixed boy’s hair. The less manipulation you do to the hair, the better. So focusing on styles that last a week is key here. 

Outside of making it a point not to manipulate multicultural hair too often during the week, finding a good hair care routine is also key. Unfortunately, this part will definitely be trial and error, but I am happy to share what works for us. 

Depending on hair type, texture, and moisture level will dictate what products you use and the order in which you use them. But moisture is the key, always. 

Some of my favorite products are listed below. Keep in mind that while I may own all of the products for a certain line, I typically do not use them all together. I have found that mixing and matching works best, especially depending on my child’s hair needs at the time. At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do is research. I can’t stress this enough when it comes to mixed boy hairstyles. And be patient with yourself. Taking care of biracial hair is no joke, but once you get the hang of it your son and his hair will love you for it.

The post 20 Cool Mixed Boy Braids & Braided Hairstyles Your Biracial Boys Will Love appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

If you’re like me, you may have found it hard to find mixed girl hairstyles online. And the idea of watching hours of Youtube just is not as appealing as it sounds. I mean, we have things to do after all. So in an effort to help a fellow curly girl out, I’ve created a list of some of the best hairstyles for biracial hair. Whether you have a little girl, toddler, or teenage these hairstyles are perfect for any age! 

I do want to give the disclaimer, that while I, myself, am biracial (Black and White) and have done most, if not all of these styles on my own hair, my daughter is considered multigenerational biracial. I only mention this because my daughter’s hair texture is closer to the 4C mark than the 3A or 3B I’ve known most people to associate with mixed girls hair. With that being said, I have also done most, if not all of these styles on her hair. So please do not think for a second these styles aren’t able to transcend hair types, because in my opinion, they look amazing no matter your curl pattern.

What Are Protective Hairstyles & Why Are They Important?

Before I jump into the list I want to go over a few things. If you are new to biracial hair care there are a few things you need to know. Some hairstyles for mixed hair can also serve as a protective style. This is true for both boys and girls. These styles are used to protect hair during certain seasons. Such as the cold wind during the winter months, which can be extremely damaging to hair. Or the humid and hot summers when our hair can get dried out by the hot summer sun. 

Protective styles usually take a little longer but will also typically last even longer. There are some that are easier to achieve then others, but the purpose of any protective style is to protect the hair. That typically means that hair is not left out to fend for itself. Things like box braids, kinky twists, or even  But don’t fret, if you’re looking for quick and easy hairstyles for different mixed hair types I‘ve listed some of those as well. 

1. Letting Her Natural Curls Shine

Depending on your level of knowledge for natural hairstyles for mixed hair this one can be easier said than done. Curly hair can be more prone to frizz. Making sure it has enough moisture is the best way to combat that. Depending on the curl type, the level of moisture will differ. For example, when my daughters wear her curls I typically use heavier creams and custards to ensure it’s moisturized. Where, what my son, a light leave in conditioner and gel usually does the trick. 

2. Single Braid

Mixed girl hair and braids go together like pb&j, to me. Braids are a protective style that also offer so much versatility. If you are a beginner there are tons of Youtube tutorials on how to braid. A single braid can last a few days depending on length of hair. Adding some cute clips, a bow at the end or some colored synthetic hair to jazz it up is always nice too. 

3. Double Braid

Or the Double Dutch braid, this style is an easy mixed girl hairstyle perfect for your toddler all the way up to a teenager. If you have trouble parting hair, make sure you get a parting comb. You can find them at your local beauty supply store or Amazon. And they really make parting easier and less stressful.  I forgot to mention this above, but I recommend making sure the hair is wet before styling. This goes for any style. The will relieve tension on the scalp, make it easier to detangle, and create less friction on the hair thus decreasing the amount of frizz. 

4. French Ponytails

One of my favorite quick and easy styles, that can also be so elegant. Perfect for pictures, a wedding or even a day at the park. A simple cornrow down the back into a pony. Make sure to add some extra moisturizer to any hair that will be left out of the braid. I also love leaving some random hairs out to frame the face as well. 

5. Puffball Buns 

This is an especially fun mixed hairstyle for little girls. I like to call them space buns and its something my daughter loves. Super quick and also very versatile. Things like leaving out a few strands around the nap of the neck, ears / sideburns, and the forehead can elevate this look. Or lay those baby hairs for a fun style!

6. Top Knot 

This is one of those trendy and cute mixed girl hairstyles that I am in love with. It’s super easy to achieve, works no matter if you’re a toddler or an adult, and can serve as a protective style as well. Couple things to note, try not to pull the hair too tight into the ponytail. Edge control is your friend, but not all edge control is created equal. And lastly, you may not get it right the first time, but keep trying. 

7. Half-Head Cornrows

I have been wearing my own hair in this style since I was in middle school. Its a super quick and easy hairstyle for multicultural kids that’s also very diverse. Depending on how much time you want to devote to this, the braids can be smaller, in designs / simple and go straight back. Mix it up by adding beads, bows or other hair jewelry. This is one of my top mixed girl hairstyles. 

8. Zig Zag Zipper Braid

Speaking of hairstyles with beads, braids of any kind are always a good idea. Zig zag braids are a little bit more complex for beginners, but if you’ve been at it for a while, this is definitely one to try. There are tons of different ways to do these braids as well. You can do two into a low bun, or braid them up into pigtails. 

9. Curly Updo

When you think of hairdos for mixed hair, they don’t always have to braids or curls curls curls. Updos are achievable and can offer lots of possibilities. Always a fan of the baby hairs and flyaways (as I like to call them), make these styles your own by leaving random curly strands out whenever possible. 

10. Low French Braided Buns

This is a style I’ve done loads of times on my own hair. It’s a simple one that can be replicated often. When I do this style and I want it to last longer, I wear a bonnet to bed to help keep it neater longer. I’ve done it on my daughter as well, and she loves it. With her I typically do two french braids in one low bun. But for myself, I like four or more braids with two buns. Super cute and the more braids the longer it lasts for my hair type. 

Tips for Keeping Biracial Hair From Frizzing 

I used to think it was just an impossible thing I had to deal with, but I’ve learned some tricks that help a lot. Some things that I’ve learned about mixed girl hairstyles include adding conditioner / moisturizer while wet helps decrease frizz dramatically. Another thing I’ve learned is that using combs, brushes or fingers to help define the curls will also help eliminate frizz. Not using terry cloth towels and sticking to cotton (such as an old cotton t-shirt) to squeeze out excess water helps too. Mixed kids with long hair can also use things such as plopping to help form curls and decrease frizz. As well as using a pineapple at night with a bonnet or satin scarf for sleep. 

Whether you’re looking for mixed kids hairstyles for your little girl or teenager I am hoping this list helps. Our hair can be a source of pride or one of shame depending on how it’s handled by those around us. The more time and effort you put into learning tips/tricks etc for mixed kids hair care the better it will be for everyone involved. Curly hair hasn’t always had a good rep but it’s time we change that. And that starts with the knowledge and the respect of these beautiful trenches. 

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