See, what I realize was that this was the perfect opportunity to not only spend quality time with her, but to also show (and tell) her about the importance of self care. As a mother of five, making time for myself can seem impossible. But now, with my mini me old enough to start asking for things like getting her nails done, its given me the boost I needed to start carving out some me time, or even better some us time. Her request also got me thinking of other ways I could spend one-on-one time with my daughter and intentionally teach her about self care.

5 Ways to Spend Time with Your Daughter and Teach Her Self-Care

Pampering

Of course there are a number of ways we could pamper ourselves, but I found that pedicures and manicures are at the top of my daughters list. Okay, okay, mine too – but the point is showing her how she can take care of herself. It’s easy to go pay someone else to do it, and while there is certainly a time for that, doing it ourselves is so much fun!

The good old fashioned way of filling a tub, large bowl, or foot pan with warm water and bubbles can be just as relaxing as a nail salon. I always keep a few pedi and mani supplies on hand like a foot scrub, foot lotion, nail polish, and nail art stickers. Pull these items out and have a good time soaking, scrubbing, and painting!

With my daughter being so young, I did everything for her. I enjoyed her giggles because the foot scrub “tickled.” And the joyous look on her face after she saw the finished product was priceless and one I’ll never forget.

Cooking

Cooking together can go so much deeper than simply preparing a meal. Not only will our daughters learn how to cook, but they’ll also learn how to take care of themselves and their future family.

I was one who didn’t spend a lot of time in the kitchen so in essence I missed out on those family traditions, recipes, and unique ways of cooking. I want my daughter to look back and remember what mama showed her in the kitchen while saying, “This is how my mama did it!”

Cooking can involve lessons about healthy nutrition practices, which can stick with her for years to come!

Lunch Dates

This is another one that can take place in the home or out at a local restaurant, or even at her school. I prefer out and about because not only do I want to have a good meal cooked by someone else (LOL), but I also want to show my daughter(s) that going out and enjoying a good meal is okay.

Lunch dates with family and/or friends should also be looked at as a form of self-care. Although you are not eating alone, having a good time with talks and laughs is soothing to the soul too. Even then, choosing to eat alone can be just as relaxing and beneficial as having a good meal with someone else!

Movies

I must admit that the movie selections these days are few, far, and between but every so often you can catch a good one. Sometimes allowing my daughter to pick her movie of choice from home, popping popcorn, and cuddling on the couch works just a fine. We love a good family movie night!

Spending intentional time doing something she wants to do still shows her that she matters, her desires matter, and that having someone pay attention to that little detail matters. As a mother who has had problems connecting with my daughter, I want to do all I can to show her just how special she really is!

Shopping

I used to think that shopping had to involve jumping from store to store and spending a bunch of money, but it doesn’t. The other day I decided to take my daughter with me to do the grocery shopping. Typically we would go as a family (yes, all 7 of us), but every so often it’s also a good idea to take just one kiddo.

Our time spent grocery shopping was filled with lots of questions but also a time of bonding. She was also a very big helper by putting the groceries in the cart. I was able to see how she pays attention to detail and how her little mind works. Whether its grocery shopping, clothes shopping, or toy shopping – these are great times to spend alone with your daughter and teach her about self care.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about ways you can spend time with your daughter(s) while teaching her about self care!

CHIME IN: What are some ways you spend time with your daughter, and how do you intentionally teach her about self care? Let me know in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!

The post 5 Ways to Spend Time With Your Daughter & Teach Self-Care appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Sis, we create life! I’ve come to terms that my body will never be what it once was, but that doesn’t mean that I should just give up. No, I love my mombod. 

Sidenote: Let’s make that a thing; Dad’s get dadbods, we should get mombods! 

I will say my body did snap back best after baby number 1, but number 2? I had tuh-rouble! So, let’s talk about some of the best practices to not only give yourself grace after having a baby but will also help jumpstart your journey to get back in shape after baby number 2!

Why It Is Harder to Lose Weight After a Second Baby

Rest assured, you are not the only one who’s ever asked themselves, “why can’t I lose weight after having a baby? For many moms, it is much harder to lose weight after a second baby. It is in this moment that you begin to realize that losing weight includes more than just working out, it’s about your overall health and wellness. 

Mama, with your second baby you may not bounce back as fast, and for some really obvious reasons:

It’s harder to get a workout in.

When you have one child, you’re able to get them in a stroller and head out for a walk or run. It’s much easier to sneak in a workout when they’re asleep or occupied. When you add another one to the mix, you now have to get two of them to get out the door, in the stroller or distracted so you can try to bang out a workout. It certainly is not an easy task.

Your sleeping pattern affects your weight.

With more than one child, you probably are not sleeping much. Sleep has an effect on our metabolism, so when you aren’t getting the rest you need, your cortisol levels spike which doesn’t allow you to metabolize calories as well.

You may not have much time to plan your meals.

Taking care of one child is exhausting. Taking care of two is even more so. It’s more difficult to plan healthy meals for yourself. Let’s face it, sometimes the crust to your kid’s grilled cheese is lunch, and before you know it, it’s dinner time and you eat the entire contents of your pantry because you haven’t taken a moment to eat all day and your hunger catches up to you.

Many women go through the baby weight battle. It’s not in vain either. I get it — seeing your stomach after second baby can be quite frustrating and it is hard to see our bodies change. Just try to remember the journey it has been on, and in the grand scheme of things, extra weight will come and go, but even if it never goes, we aren’t less of a mom over a few unwanted pounds.

Average Time to Lose Baby Weight

The good news is that you can start losing baby weight as early as the first few weeks after giving birth. On average, new moms lose around 13 pounds due to the baby’s weight, the amniotic fluid, and the placenta when giving birth. The week after you deliver, you’ll likely shed several more pounds as you lose other retained fluids, like any extra water you’ve retained or the extra blood your body produced during pregnancy.

Mama, your body needs time to recover after giving birth, so allow your body time and give yourself grace. In general, waiting until your postpartum checkup, which occurs within 12 weeks of giving birth, to begin intentionally losing weight. I get it sis, I know it would be great to begin losing weight as soon as possible after pregnancy. While it is possible to do so and achieve postpartum weight loss. Choosing to do so safely is your best bet for a long term result, try incorporating breastfeeding, eating a healthful diet, and exercising.

Keep in mind, how long it takes for a woman’s body to go back to normal after pregnancy differs from person to person. And with each pregnancy that can still change. So amount of time it takes to get back in shape after baby number 2 may be completely different from the first time around.

Tips to Lose Weight & Get Back in Shape After Baby Number 2

Your body is beautiful, Mama. Depending on how active you were before and during your pregnancy will have a large impact on what comes next for your body. Snapping back after number 1 may have been easy, but baby number 2 is proving to be a little more difficult. Below I’ll provide a list of tips to lose weight and get back in shape. Oh, by the way, these are the same tips I’d use for losing weight after baby number 3!

1.Set Realistic Goals:

Despite what magazines and celebrity stories would have you believe, losing weight after pregnancy takes time. Let’s face it, your body after second baby is different but special nonetheless! Drastic weight loss is unrealistic and can only be achieved through unhealthy methods. It is usually recommended that you wait a couple of months before actively trying to lose weight. If you’re breastfeeding, a calorie deficit that’s too strict might affect the quality and quantity of your milk supply. Keeping this in mind, try a gradual approach to lose those extra pounds. Losing approximately a pound and half each week is a safe and realistic goal.

2.Drink Plenty of Water

Mama, staying hydrated is key! Drinking enough water is vital for anyone trying to lose weight. Choosing water over just one 20-ounce sweetened beverage can save you 240 calories. It is said that drinking water may increase your sense of fullness and stimulate your metabolism, leading to weight loss.

3.Pair Lean Protein with Every Meal

A diet high in protein for post-pregnancy weight loss is super effective. You still need two to three servings of protein daily, but make sure you’re not having more than 3 to 4 ounces per serving, from lean sources like lean meat, fish, and turkey. If you are breastfeeding, your body requires extra nutrients and protein to help sustain milk production. 

4. Replace Breakfast with a Green Smoothie and Protein Powder

Aim to get your nutrients in early so you don’t have to think too much about it later! Protein powder is such a realistic, simple way to consume very clean and healthy protein as a busy mom. Realistically you won’t always have the time to cook healthy during the day. Protein shakes are such an easy, one-handed option to really have a healthy snack or meal. Keep in mind, having two children may look different from the first time around. Which could mean finding alternatives to meals that still offer the nutrients you need to get back in shape after baby number 2.

5. Limit High Sugar and Refined Foods

This is one of the quickest ways to lose weight after having a baby. Though they may be tempting, sugar and refined carbs are high in calories and usually low in nutrients. And there are healthy and delicious alternatives. It’s easy to reduce your sugar intake by avoiding processed foods and sticking to whole foods such as vegetables, legumes, fruits, meats, fish, eggs, nuts, and yogurt.

6. Breastfeed if Possible

It is said there are many “weight loss benefits of breastfeeding”. Our body burns between 400 and 500 calories per day making breast milk, which come from your diet as well as the fat you stored during pregnancy. That calorie-burning boost is enough to help some moms get back to their pre-pregnancy weight without doing much else. Breastfeeding also stimulates the release of hormones that help shrink your uterus and your post-baby belly.

7. Go for Walks (and Push a Stroller!)

Exercise alone won’t make you lose weight, but it will keep your metabolism up and tone your muscles. Aerobic activities, such as walking, jogging, cycling, or swimming can help you lose weight and improve your overall health. Getting in shape after baby doesn’t have to be boring or exhausting. You can even do it with your children and new baby with you. Walking is one of the easiest post baby exercises, and it can help you ease into a more intense routine. Remember to check with your doctor to make sure your body has rested enough and is ready to start exercising after giving birth.

8. Remember Exercises After Childbirth Look a Little Different

If you were active before and during pregnancy, your doctor might recommend waiting a month before doing more intensive workouts, such as crossfit, cycling, running, and high intensity interval training (HIIT). You can also try modified exercises that include holding your baby for a great post pregnancy ab workout to reduce your stomach after second baby. When you do begin, take it slow, start with just 30 minutes a day, be mindful of diastasis recti if you have it. How quickly you can exercise after your second baby depends on your individual circumstance. So be sure to check with your healthcare provider to know if it is safe for you to begin working out after baby.

9. Pair Small Bursts of Cardio with Simple Crunches

In addition to moderate cardio, a postpartum workout should focus on building up the muscles of your torso (which took a beating when you were pregnant). Every mom can benefit from core strengthening. Some women also experience a separation of the abdominal wall muscles, which is called rectus abdominis diastasis. Exercises that target this condition can bring the muscles back together again.

10. Wear Some Sort of Postpartum Support

Light compression from abdominal wraps can support your natural transverse abdominal when you can’t contract it yet. Belly wraps support your body after second baby by acting as a “splint” for the muscles that have separated during pregnancy (something that happens in all pregnancies, BTW, to make room for a growing uterus)This could help you be more conscious of using your abs.

11. Supplement as Needed (Fish Oil Is Especially Important)

You just gave birth to a living being, Mama. Your new bundle literally sucked the life out of you, so you may need to consider incorporating a multivitamin of some sort for any deficiencies you may have especially when trying to getting back in shape after baby number 2. I recommend heavy consideration on fish oil. There is some preliminary evidence to suggest that the omega-3 fatty acids contained in fish and fish oil, have an antidepressant effect. It has been discovered that mothers transfer DHA (a primary structural component of the human brain health) to their baby during pregnancy and through the breast milk to support neurological development in the developing child. Thus, child-bearing women may become depleted of DHA. Having a DHA deficiency may make mothers more vulnerable to depression during the postpartum period.

12. Do Kegel Exercises to Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor

After delivery, it’s relatively common to have some bladder leakage caused by prolonged pushing or a forceps- or vacuum-assisted childbirth. This is usually temporary. I recommend performing Kegel exercises can help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles so you can regain bladder control more quickly. If leakage is really bothering you, ask your gynecologist if seeing a pelvic health therapist would be of benefit.

13. Don’t Neglect Your Mental Health

Getting to a healthy weight is important, but take care not to let your weight become a cause of stress or anxiety. Getting your body back after baby is so much more than just weight loss. If you feel you aren’t coping well, ask for help from your family, friends, or medical practitioner. 

14. Schedule Care for Your Toddler While the Baby Sleeps So You Can Rest Too

You already know this is a tough one. Your little one wants you around the clock. But doing whatever you can to get adequate sleep will benefit you. A lack of sleep can negatively affect your weight. I know, getting enough sleep can be a challenge. Strategies that may help include asking for help from family and friends and limiting your caffeine intake. Don’t forget: Your health is just as important as baby’s health, so ask for help to get the sleep you need.

15. Get Outside and Soak Up Some Sun for Vitamin D

Vitamin D is a hormone that influences metabolism and immune function. Your body acquires vitamin D through sun exposure. Now is the time to develop an active lifestyle for sustainable weight loss. It is often confused with exercise; however, both are different. Staying active does not mean exercising, but it means reducing the overall time that you spend sitting or laying. And the more you get outside, the more vitamin D you will get. Which can help boost your metabolism making getting back into shape after baby number 2 a tad easier.

Learn to Love Your Body After a Second Baby

All women are different, and getting fit after pregnancy might be easier for some moms. As long as you eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly after birth, odds are that you’ll lose the extra pounds sooner rather than later. 

Don’t be discouraged by magazines that show celebrities getting back in shape only weeks after delivery; do what is best for your body and your baby, and the weight loss will follow. It is absolutely possible to get back to your pre-pregnancy shape, but I encourage you to love your body as it is. Real postpartum bodies take time to “snap back”, and that’s okay as long as you’re healthy. Even if you find that you can’t lose baby weight 2 years later, keep going Mama, you got this!

So…Here’s the Truth to Getting Back in Shape After Your Second Child

Carrying some extra weight after pregnancy is very common and nothing to get down on yourself about. Your body did an amazing thing. But getting back in after baby and within a healthy weight range is beneficial for your health and any future pregnancies so it’s definitely worth working at. Being healthy will allow you to enjoy time with your baby and get the most out of being a parent. The best and most achievable way to lose weight is through a healthy diet, breastfeeding, and exercise. Talk to your healthcare team for tips, advice, and support.

The post 15 Tips for Getting Back in Shape and Losing Weight After Baby Number 2 appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Why I Checked Myself into a Mental Hospital

Why would you voluntarily commit yourself into a psych ward? There’s actually a lot of different answers to this question. And after I give my answer, I hope it will help someone. I have shared about my postpartum depression previously on my blog and social media.  So it should come as no surprise that that was the driving force behind my decision. 

One of my worst fears is one of my children getting hurt. Me being the cause of such pain is unimaginable. But when depression hits, and those thoughts start to creep in, it can be hard to think clearly. Since becoming a mother, all I have ever wanted to be was a good one. I’ve spent countless hours “researching” how to be a better mother. How to raise what I considered to be “good children.” And while deep down I know there is absolutely no such thing as a perfect mom, some days those fears of inadequacy come back to haunt me. 

After months of therapy for my marriage, I have learned to be more conscious of my own emotions. Taking time to monitor how I am feeling and how my thoughts play a role in my day to day life. When things started to get dark. With the thoughts spiraling out of control. It surprised me that I was clear headed enough to call someone for help. It’s because of this mindfulness that I was able to go to my local crisis care center and speak with a licensed therapist versus committing suicide as I had planned. 

How I Ensured My Baby Had Enough Breastmilk

But what if you are a breastfeeding mom like me? Having never been to a mental health facility I was unaware of how I would continue to provide my youngest with breastmilk. I didn’t want this “unknown” to stop me from getting help. But I also didn’t want my issues to keep my child from being fed.

Preparing for Unexpected Scenarios While Breastfeeding

Now having breastfed five children my number one question is always how will this affect my ability to breastfeed. My first time flying without my child I Googled what to do. When I went to work after my first, I spoke with as many other moms I knew (or could find in my mommy Facebook group at the time) on what I could expect. But in this particular scenario, when dealing with my mental health crisis, I had no one to turn to for first hand knowledge.

It was hard for me to even consider going because of this. I wrestled with it for a few hours before I finally went. And even while driving over there I was still very much afraid that this would be the end of my breastfeeding journey with my youngest. So I reassured myself that even if it was, him having a mentally healthy mother was far more important than me meeting some arbitrary breastfeeding goal. However once I got to the crisis care center, I was pleasantly surprised!

Before admittance into the hospital I expressed my concerns to the therapist who had done my evaluation. I told her that my mental health was very important to me, but that being able to pump for my baby was equally important. To which she replied it wouldn’t be an issue for them to set aside adequate time and places for me to pump. As long as I had someone who could come collect the milk each day they were willing to do whatever was necessary to ensure I received the services I needed to help me on my road to recovery.

So that’s what we did. I was able to breastfeed my youngest one more time before I was taken to my room. Later on my husband brought my pump to the hospital and I was given a quiet room away from the other patients to pump supervised. Due to the severity of my diagnosis (extremely severe PPD and PPA) I was unable to be alone with anything that could pose a health risk. Since my pump had wires that could potentially be used to harm myself I was allowed to pump with a female nurse present. 

At first I was a little annoyed by this. But just because I said I wasnt going to kill myself using my pump parts does not mean they knew that. And with that in mind I understood and was happy to be fortunate enough to be able to pump. 

Signs You May Need to Seek Professional Help

Back to how I knew I needed to seek help. While I do know if I can for sure say there are some specific universal signs you need to go to a mental hospital, as everyone is different. I do believe that there comes a point when things become too much and checking yourself into rehab for depression may be the best answer. For me, it was when my thoughts became more negative than positive. Let me walk you through that day specifically and hopefully that will give you more insight. 

While it started pretty much like any other day I noticed that I didn’t feel quite right. Not physically but more emotionally. At first, it wasn’t anything major. I wasn’t overly down or even overly sad. I was more bleh than anything. But I had been this way for a few days. Nothing really excited me. Nothing really angered me either. It was as if I was devoid of all emotions. I was just existing. Going through the day to day routine that is my life with no real feelings either way.

While I had made note of this earlier in the day, I did not recognize it as a sign that something could be wrong. I just thought I was off. 

After taking my older four children to school and daycare I came home and laid my youngest down for his morning nap. At which point I realized I hadn’t eaten. But I also wasn’t hungry. Which happens a lot so again not something I took note of. I decided I’d take a quick shower and hopefully shake this bleh feeling off. Shower had always been a way for me to rejuvenate myself when the day seemed to be headed in a negative direction. So into the shower I went. 

As soon as I got in, it was like everything seemed to just implode. Those bleh feelings quickly turned into inadequacy, sorrow and feelings of despair and regret. It felt like it was literally almost from nowhere. ( I have had a chance to reflect on this day and realize it was something that had been brewing for a while and had I paid attention to my triggers I may not have had the experience I did.) I remember thinking I couldn’t feel the water.

No matter how hot I turned it, I didn’t feel anything. 

I slowly began to realize things were escalating at a rate I was unprepared for so I got out of the shower. Hoping this would bring it all to a stop. Yet it did the opposite. As I stepped out I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately that hate speech started. “I wasn’t good enough.” “I wasn’t being the mom my children deserved.” “ Look at me, I wasn’t even strong enough to fight off PPD by myself. “ “All I did was let others dictate my life and bring me down. How did I expect to raise children who didn’t do the same?” It was in this moment that I began to think of how I could kill myself. With my baby home I wanted to make sure he would be okay. And so I called my husband.

I really think this was God. My mind was so all over the place. I was ready to end my life but I had the clear enough thought to call my husband first. I am positive that had I not done that I wouldn’t be here today. And I thank God for this. 

After calling him, I called my cousin and it was with her help that I decided I was having a mental health crisis and needed to seek help from a therapist. It was never my plan to admit myself. My main reason not to was because I needed to breastfeed my son. Once I got there the receptionist did an assessment to see what threat level I was and based on that gave me two options.

I could self admit and speak with a therapist immediately as well as attend group therapy with others experiencing similar mental health issues. Or they could put my name on a list to have someone call me in a few weeks.

As a note, mental hospital admission criteria vary a bit but overall they try to assess if you are a danger to yourself or others. If they come to the conclusion that you are, depending on what level of threat they believe you to be, they can recommend voluntary admittance or do a 72 hour hold. 

Below are the five most common mental health issues for mothers and their symptoms. If at any point you experience these, it may be in your best interest to seek professional help or admit yourself to a mental health center:

Postpartum Depression

Pregnancy and Postpartum Depression (PPD) is a mood disorder that is generally attributed to the drop in hormones during and after birth. You can begin to experience symptoms during pregnancy or in the weeks after having a baby, according to ACOG, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Symptoms can range from mild sadness, trouble concentrating, or difficulty finding joy in once-loved activities to severe depression and even suicidal thoughts. Mothers with pre-existing depression prior to or during pregnancy are more likely to experience PPD. With proper mental health care, it is treatable. Making the risk of severe depression preventable. However untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer.

Postpartum  Anxiety

Worrying about your baby can be completely normal. But if your anxiety is more than just the baby blues it could be PPA. If getting those fears out of your brain seems unmanageable, or your thoughts become overwhelming, speaking with your doctor is recommended. Around 10 percent of women will develop anxiety during pregnancy or after, according to the American Pregnancy Association. 

Some of the most common symptoms are restlessness, racing heartbeat, inability to sleep, extreme worry about the “what if’s.” Concerns about your child suddenly falling ill, or your baby experiencing SIDS are common fears mothers with PPA have reported. I, myself, even had a vision of me finding my youngest cold and blue during his nap.  

Pregnancy and Postpartum OCD

Growing up, having OCD always seemed like a good thing. It meant you were tidy and most likely kept your house clean. So it is definitely fair to say I was completely ignorant to what it actually was. Symptoms of postpartum OCD include Intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that are repetitive or persistent. They’re often upsetting and related to the baby. For example, you might fear that you’ll hurt or abuse the baby, he’ll become sick, or he’ll get exposed to dangerous contaminants.

• The urge to do certain rituals (compulsions) over and over again to relieve mental obsessions. You might, for example, believe that turning off the stove five times will prevent your house from burning down and harming Baby.
• Anxiety and fear surrounding your obsessions and compulsions
• Intense feelings of protection for the infant 
• Fear of being alone with your baby

This affects 3 to 5 percent of women. 

Birth Related PTSD

A large percentage of women feel as if their birth was traumatic in some way. And this can often lead to post traumatic stress disorder. In fact, 4 percent of mothers develop PTSD after giving birth. This type of PTSD often comes as dreams or thoughts of the traumatic event. Fear filled flashbacks that may even dictate how you celebrate your child’s birthday. And even down to the decisions made about subsequent child’s births. 

Common Questions (That You Might Be Too Afraid to Ask)

What happens if I check myself into a mental hospital?

While I can’t say for sure your experience will be the same as mine. Putting yourself first in order to be a better mother to your child is always the best decision. When thinking about checking yourself into a mental institution, make sure you have a clear outcome you are looking for. Having this and being able to talk with someone about it while there will ensure everyone is on the same page. I knew going in I wasn’t the biggest fan of medicines (due to previous family history) and therefore requested alternative treatments to try first. With the understanding that, if those did not help, medication would be the next best option. One I would then be willing to try. 

Understand that you are ultimately still in control. No one can force you to do anything. Especially if you were voluntarily admitted. This truly goes a long way in their outlook on your treatment. 

How old do you have to be to check yourself into a mental hospital?

While I was there a story of a three year old having been admitted due to his worrisome behavior was told. Which goes to show that mental health affects everyone. From all walks of life. And seeking help does not have an age limit. 

How much does it cost to check myself into a mental hospital?

This will vary based on your health insurance. However most state issued insurance will provide full coverage for treatment of all mental health conditions. 

When you check yourself into a mental institution, can you check yourself out?

This was something I was concerned about. Would I be held even if I no longer wanted to stay at the hospital? Well to my relief, my release date was something myself and the attending therapist agreed upon. What this means is, while I couldn’t just up and leave because I felt like it. I had some say so in the length of my stay and it felt more like a collaborative effort. Rather than a dictatorship. 

How long can a mental hospital keep you?

As I mentioned above, they can request a minimum 72 hour hold on you if they deem it necessary. For your safety and those around you. Personally, my stay was 48 hours. However there were some patients who had been there for longer. The longest you would stay, in my particular unit, was 5 days. 

Bottom Line? Don’t Be Ashamed to Check Yourself into a Mental Hospital

There’s a lot of stigmas around mental health. Even today in 2021, after the entire world faced a pandemic that turned everything upside down. So I completely understand if you are hesitant to speak about your mental health. Let alone check yourself into a crisis center. Shoot, I was extremely concerned about what others would think the entire time. But that’s okay. Being scared of the unknown is natural. It’s what makes us human. 

At the end of the day there may be many reasons to check yourself into a mental hospital, just don’t let there be any that stops you. 

The post What I Learned from Checking Myself into a Mental Hospital appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

And like most, I searched Pinterest, Google and even Instagram for real tips that I could implement, wanting to make sure I would be able to pour from a full cup each day versus the bone dry one I had been trying to utilize lately. However, I really didn’t find much. I, of course, found the normal, put myself first and set aside time each day that I’m sure we’ve all seen and read. But that’s not what I needed. I needed real action steps that I could implement to improve my day to day. With four children at home, I needed help on how to find time for self care during quarantine. Which, if you are reading this, I am assuming is why you are here too.

While the above tips hold some truth to them, having no clear steps behind them, they offer no value. An overwhelmed mother who’s looking to make some changes to ensure she can get some me time while at home during quarantine needs more than make time for yourself. How do I do that? Especially when being home has turned into more work than originally expected. I mean, I never once thought I would be homeschooling a preschooler, first grader, and third grader at the same time I was trying to keep my toddler from destroying my house. But here we are. Quarantine life for moms. But why then is it so easy for dads?

Make You A Priority And me time Will Come Naturally

Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy for a father to carve out time for himself away from his kids and family? I know I have. What I’ve learned is that while they love their families they also love themselves and aren’t afraid to choose one over the other when needed. Which is a foriegn concept for most moms. But why should it be? 

Now before you look at me crossed eyed, this shouldn’t be a bad thing. The issue a lot of mothers have is that’s not what society tells us. As I mentioned above it wasn’t until recently that the thought of a mother needed self care started surfacing. For far too long, a mother’s job was to sacrifice. Sacrifice her dreams, her hopes, and even her own well being for the betterment of her children. And with that being the main focus for so long, having to now switch that mindset will not be easy. Especially trying to do this while in the middle of a global pandemic. But it is an important first step, to getting me time during this quarantine and even beyond.

“Putting yourself first is not putting your children or your house last. It’s simply reprioritizing things a bit. “

I am not going to sit here and act like it’s that simple, because I know better. I’ve been here, and it was a struggle. A daily battle of me fighting off the mom guilt, the shame of feeling like I’m not putting my kids first or some other negative thought that may come my way. It takes motivation and determination to switch those thoughts. But in the end it’s worth it. Me time, self care, mommy time, whatever you name it. Doing it, and doing lots of it during quarantine will allow you to feel refreshed, re-energized and ready for more fun times with the kiddos. 

One thing that has helped me was telling my partner. This helped in two fold. Speaking out loud that I wanted to make myself a priority and also wanted his help to make it happen helped me hold myself accountable. Talking about it, hearing my own voice made it more real. On top of that, having my husband’s support and what I’ll call gentle reminders kept me accountable.

Setting Boundaries And Expectations For Your Children During Quarantine Creates Space For Me Time

If this is new for you, understand it’s just as new for your children. They are used to having twenty four seven access to mommy. No matter what you’re doing. Which means two things for you; you’ll have to set boundaries and teach your children some new expectations. It will also mean some difficult conversations for yourself and your kiddos. 

To make things easier, start getting me time during this quarantine in smaller time frames. Begin with five minutes a day at first and even if that doesn’t seem like a lot of time, there are many things you can get done. Stepping outside just to enjoy the air alone, saying a quick prayer, enjoying the quiet, or even eating a snack without having to share. All things, that as a mother I am sure we can all appreciate. So how do you start? 

If your kids are old enough explain self care to them. It is just as healthy for them to get some me time during quarantine.

I often use examples from their everyday life. For my oldest, there are moments throughout the day when he wants to be alone. He’ll go in his room and shut the door so he can play legos in peace. For my daughter, she often asks if she can do my hair, or paint my nails. Mostly because she wants to one on one time. When I do this it’s much easier for them to see why I need my own personal time. 

In the beginning just explaining it wasn’t enough. I had to lock my door or hide in a closet, because well they’re kids. They forget easily. I started reminding them each day at the same time that I would need to be alone for a few moments. Like I mentioned above I began with five minute intervals and slowly increased as they got more adjusted. 

To help keep them entertained during this time I would give them specific things to do. From cleaning their room, reading a book to watching Elmo for a while. I would try to change it up a bit from day to day and also try not to use cleaning too much. I didn’t want them to feel like my me time meant their punishment.

Taking Control Over Your Time During Quarantine Makes Finding Ways For Alone Time Easier

If you’re anything like me you’re probably saying to yourself, okay this sounds good but when will I have the time? The funny thing is, we often find time for the things we deem important. Hence why my first tip was making yourself a priority. 

Once you’ve decided you are important and therefore deserve or better yet NEED some me time for self care, coming up with ways to achieve it becomes that much easier. This isn’t to say time will just magically increase or appear for you, but it will decrease your guilt / shame allowing you to freely make the necessary time. 

“So how can you find the time for self care?” For me personally, waking up before everyone else has been a life changer. I originally started out with getting up 10 to 15 minutes before my youngest and even that short amount of time impacted my day greatly. I have since increased to waking up roughly an hour before everyone else in my house and I couldn’t be happier.

Waking up before everyone else does two things; it allows me to focus on myself with less feelings of guilt because well, no one is awake. Therefore I’m not neglecting anyone. And secondly it’s helped me have uninterrupted time that has helped me figure out just what works best for me when it comes to self care. Because I am sure you may also experience, at first I had no idea what to do with myself. 

If you aren’t a huge morning person, setting an alarm (something that will actually get you out of the bed) may help. Another idea would be to give yourself an incentive.

Think about drinking a nice hot of coffee alone, IN THE QUIET!

Or even being able to finish that book (or show) you’ve wanted to watch without getting a thousand questions. Whatever will motivate you, use that, and enjoy your alone time. It’s well deserved. But let’s say you just can’t see yourself getting out of the bed that early. Not a problem, try after the kids are asleep.

Depending on the way your household is run, this may or may not be doable. In my home all of my kiddos are in bed by 8:30pm (I won’t pretend like they are asleep by then). This gives me ample time to refresh and recharge for the next day without staying up super late. Do what works for you and tweak as needed. And don’t be afraid delegate, delegate, delegate. There are some things that can be done by the kids, your partner or can just wait until tomorrow. 

With everything in life and especially in motherhood, these are solely suggestions. Do what works for you and leave what doesn’t. The main focus here is to provide tips that can be used to see some real results in a wide range of situations. Whether you’ve been struggling with mom guilt and wanting to have some alone time, or haven’t quite figured out how to come up with the time for yourself, I hope these tips help you. Me time during a quarantine or otherwise is the goal. 

 As easy as it is for our male counterparts to achieve it each day, we need to take that same approach. I know for my husband not a day goes by that he doesn’t take twenty to thirty minutes to himself, with no qualms at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a break. Nothing wrong with wanting some quiet, and nothing wrong with wanting to drink a hot cup of coffee the first time its made. You deserve it. 

Love Always, 

Jazmyne

The post Me Time During Quarantine; Tips For Moms appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Mothering is hard, but learning to let go is a whole other level.

When you first become a mom, you want to protect your baby. Nature them. Mold them and keep them safe. But that’s just it. You can’t and the soon you figure that out, the sooner you can learn to let go.

What Does Learning To Let Go Mean?

Let me start by saying I am not advising that you just completely say forget the rules and let your kids act crazy. Learning to let go means loosening up the ropes a little bit. Allow baby girl to pick her clothes out today. Let your son jump from that third step (from the bottom momma, from the bottom).

Learning to let go is realizing that, no matter how hard you try, you can not control you kids. And the sooner you figure that out, the happier everyone will be.

How Does Learning To Let Go Create Happiness?

Let’s start with the easy one. Less stress. Yes, learning to let go actually reduces your stress. How? Because its one less thing for you to worry about. You have enough on your plate with whats for dinner, or when hubby will take out the trash, no need to add if your son is wearing mix match shoes to the list. Because honestly, who cares?

I’m sorry but if anyone is judging my four year old for wearing one Paw Pal shoe and one Spider-man shoe they may need to rethink some life choices, not me. And before you ask, yes. Karter has and will continue to do so whenever the mood strikes him, left my house with that exact combo of shoes on. What can I say, these are currently his favorite things. Sorry I digress.

Okay, back on track mama.

Does Letting Go Mean Letting My Kids do Whatever?

Absolutely not. Learning to let do does not negate the rules. There are still very much rules. They just happen to change from rules that help you look “good” in society’s opinion to rules that will actually help your child become an independent fully function adult. So cool right!

For an example of this, I used to have a “ rule” that my children couldn’t leave the house with no socks on. Sounds easy enough.

It was, until Kinley kicked and screamed for over 2 hours one day about having to wear socks, because they made her feet feel funny. Yeah, true story. But it made me think. It’s her feet. She deserves to be comfortable. And her being physically comfortable is more important then me being mentally comfortable because I feel like my kids fit into the perfect box society has built. So she didn’t wear socks. For like a month. This was me learning to letting go. And surprisingly enough her feet didn’t stink, so win win.

Learning to let go isn’t just about your children. It’s also about you. Letting go of the need to control everything and to have all your “ducks” in a row alleviates unnecessary stress from you. It allows you to take a step back, refocus, and adjust your energy on things that really matter. Like, what kind of human you’re raising. Because at the end of the day, we all just want to raise a kind hearted productive member of society who will change the world for the better. And the first step in doing that is learning to let go.

With All My Love,

Jazmyne

The post Learning To Let Go appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

If you’re anything like me, you’re four kids and eleven years in and just now thinking of setting boundaries for yourself. If you are also like me, it may seem like it’s too late. But luckily for you, I never listen to myself and neither should you.

When’s the best time to set boundaries as a mother

Anytime! Seriously. Things change. Having a six month old crawl all over you may have been cute before but now you’re like, no ma’am, and that’s okay. Or maybe your husband grabbing your butt every time you walked past him used to be super sweet. But now, after a long day of your children groping you you’d rather he didn’t. Still okay. Anytime is a good time to set boundaries. It’s part of self care.

Can you set boundaries as a mother in a nice way?

Yes, of course you can! The key is to not look at it as taking something away. Instead what you’re doing is getting something back. You are getting your self love back. By setting boundaries for your children, husband, whomever, you are saying I care about and love myself enough to voice when I need to be left alone. Because ultimately, those around us who love us just want us moms to be happy; mentally and physically. This is a step in that direction.

Okay, you’ve convinced me, but what do I say when setting boundaries?

As a mother, setting boundaries can seem a little overwhelming or evening daunting. Take me for example, my four children are used to crawling on, sitting on top of, coughing in and licking my face literally whenever they please. And I’m not even going to start on my husband. So how do you start the conversation? By just talking. Seriously, it’s that easy.

Now, don’t wait until you’re completely touched out and ready to explode to start the conversation. No, instead try it when everyone is just hanging out. Here’s an example.

One Saturday morning all four of my kids,  two dogs and husband were all in bed with me. I could feel myself getting annoyed by the constant contact I was getting. So I spoke up and it went something like this.

“Hey babe, I need a little space. Anyway you can take the kids into the other room? Or I can get up if that’s easier but would you keep the kids in here with you? ”

Now of course my kids whined as I got up to walk away and asked if they could be with me, and this is where I got creative. I started saying my daughter’s name over and over again while tapping my oldest on the head numerous times in a row. Eventually they both asked me to stop. From there I used that as an opportunity to explain that what they were just feeling is exactly what I had been feeling all morning. To which they quickly told me to have fun in the room by myself.

But what happens when I set boundaries and they break them?

Children are human. Setting boundaries as a mother who has never done so before isn’t just new to you, but it’s new to them. So give them the same grace you’d want if you forgot something. Just explain to them that mommy has set these boundaries for her body and she would appreciate it if you could respect them. For smaller children something similar to “mommy needs to sit over here by herself for a few minutes, can you play over there to give mommy some quiet time,” may work.

All and all setting boundaries as a mother doesn’t have to be this horrible thing for anyone. It’s all about your perspective. Take calm moments throughout the day to remind your children of why you have boundaries, why they should have their own and how it helps us all stay mentally and physically healthy in the long run. And for partners the same conversation but with more adult words should work. Just remember not to wait until it’s too late or you’re too over it. Voicing it out of frustration may end up damaging your children’s view of you or themselves and that’s not what we want at all.

I pray this was helpful for you. Let me know what boundaries you’re thinking of setting in the comments below!

Love,

Jazmyne

The post Setting Boundaries As A Mother appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

So, why is it so hard for moms to delegate tasks? For starters, we care too much. Let’s be honest, as long as a task gets done (depending on said task of course) does it really matter how? Because that’s the core issue. We care too much about the how.

But I want to make sure it’s done correctly…

I know, I know. I completely get it. I’ve been there.

Take this picture for example. Koehn was hungry and I needed to finish dinner for the rest of the house. With Desmond at work, it wasn’t like I could feed Koehn and cook at the same time so I did the next best thing. Delegated that task to my daughter, Kinley.

Now I may have lucked up when it comes to her, but she loves helping with any task that involves baby Koehn. While her delivery and overall approach to feeding him is a far cry for how I’d handle it, the task got done. Was he a little messier then I would have liked, yeah. But it was bath night anyway. The older kids got to eat dinner on time, Koehn wasn’t screaming at me to be fed, Kinley got a much needed feeling of independence / confidence boost so to me its a win win.

Learning to delegate takes time, but I have found that starting off with smaller task can make it that much easier. Letting a loved one bath baby one night or fold the laundry for you can make such a huge difference in your mental health as a mother, sacrificing the “how it goes done” for that fact that it got done is truly worth it.

So what are some ways to delegate task and what even are some task you can delegate without going crazy? Start with the small stuff.

Having someone other than your partner help with baby may not be something you’re up to right away and that’s completely okay. Start by having others help with things around the house. One less thing on your to-do list is always a win.

Maybe grandma wants to come visit baby, that’s great! Ask for assistance with the laundry while she’s there. Folding the clothes and putting them up would be awesome, but even just transferring the washed clothes to the dryer is a life saver. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to rewash a load because I forgot about it.

Friends want to stop by and check on you, how awesome are they! Ask for help with dinner. They can cook you something before hand, bring gift cards to a few of your favorite restaurants or even cook what you had planned for that night in your kitchen.

Maybe you’re like me and moved half way across the county and not don’t have very many friends coming to visit. That’s okay to. (sidetone, its hard to make friends as an adult, or is that just me??) If you have older kiddos, allowing them to help with dinner is a good way to delegate a few task as well.

This article by Mother’ly offers nine other ways to delegate around the home. First time mom, mom of three, it really doesn’t matter. Delegating task to those around us can help out tremendously. And at first it may work your nervous more then actually relieving stress, but give it time. Because again when it comes to delegating, its not about the how. One less thing for you to do is equates to more time you can spend with baby or even sleeping. I’ll let you decided which one of those is the better choice, lol.

What are some things you find hard to delegate? Or maybe you’re a pro at this and have some amazing tips for other mommas? Leave me a comment below either way!

Love,

Jazmyne

The post Learning to delegate as a mom appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

With it being Maternal Mental Health Week I wanted to take a moment to talk about grace. Giving yourself grace and what that looks like.

As women we tend to put WAY too much pressure on ourselves. The pressures from society to be this iconic image compounded with our own insecurities and doubts often lands us in a whirlwind of frustration. 

As a new mom these feelings are often only magnified. The weight of having the survival of someone so helpless placed solely into your hands is often times marginalized by society. The picture perfect facade displayed across social media will leave anybody questioning themselves. 

Can I be that amazing? Can I have my life look as good, or maybe even better, than hers? 

But the thing is, her life isn’t that amazing. Her life isn’t that put together. These images in those tiny little squares are often well planned, and even better staged in an effort to display what we often fantasize about. And that’s just it. It’s a fantasy. It’s not real.

Yeah, some days are sunshine and rainbows. And some days are pure hell. Sorry for my bluntness but I have no other way to put it. 

Waking up at the crack of dawn after getting just 30 mins of sleep the night before to entertain my threenager, make breakfast for the bigger kids while breastfeeding my infant only to have my husband ask me a million times where his shoes are is not something I dreamt about as a kid. That wasn’t my happily ever after. It’s a nightmare I have yet to wake up from. 

I am in no way complaining about my life. I understand that I chose it and I am more then happy to lay in my bed. However, what I am doing is trying to give perspective. Perspective to the moms who think having their makeup done, a nice outfit, a clean home, and well behaved children is how motherhood is supposed to go. It’s not. That’s far and I do mean far from the truth. And it irks me that other moms out there are perpetuating such lies. 

So instead of beating yourself up for not having all the laundry done, instead of feeling inadequate because your two year old loses all sense of sanity when it’s time to leave the park, know that you’re doing an amazing job. 

Know you are an amazing strong mother. Know you are doing the best you can and that is truly what matters. What works for them may not work for you. What appears to be the best solution in their household may drive you nuts. 

Stop worrying about the dishes. Look away from the toys sprawled all over your living room floor and realize there’s always tomorrow. Today, give yourself grace. Take a moment to look in the mirror at all you’ve accomplished and be proud. Be damn proud. Because if I’m being honest, I dropped my kids off in the same clothes I had on yesterday. I haven’t brushed my teeth, let alone showered today and I’m pretty sure my dog just peed on my new rug because I forgot to take her out.

Love,

Jazmyne

The post Give Yourself Grace appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.