Whether you are in the process of planning your vow renewal or haven’t even started just yet, nailing down your vow renewal invitations is vital. As we all know, from our first wedding, the invitations set the tone for your wedding. And the same can be said for your vow renewal invites. When planning your renewal ceremony whatever the reasons you may be renewing your vows, think of it just as you would your wedding. 

Why You Should Still Send Save the Date Cards for Your Vow Renewal

So how do you announce a vow renewal? With a save the date of course! Sending a save the date may seem a little formal, but if you want people to attend it is a good idea. As we all know, people have lives. Those same people who attended your wedding or even the new friends you’ve made since then, all have busy schedules. Kids have been born, careers have been started, and so much more. I know when we think of save the dates we automatically think of weddings, and there’s nothing wrong with that. To me, a vow renewal is a wedding. Just on a smaller scale. Which makes sending save the dates just as important. 

With that being said, I do not think they need to be sent out in as advanced notice as if it were a wedding. For example, when planning our vow renewal ceremony family and friends received their save the date 3 months prior. Instead of the recommended six months. 

10 Stunning Wedding Invitations for Vow Renewal Ceremony 

Vow renewal invitations ideas can be hard to come by so I’ve created a list of some of the most popular styles to hopefully get your creative juices flowing. Once you’ve found a style / theme that suits you there are plenty of  wedding invitations online to help bring your special day together. 

1. Elegant Floral

If you are going for a more classic approach to your renewal ceremony then elegant floral invitations may be just what you need. The epitome of sophistication, anything with florals just screams class. 

2. Rustic

Rustic wedding vow renewal invitations are perfect if you plan on having your vow renewal in your backyard or anywhere outside where they’ll be lost of trees. Think trees covered in shabby chic fabrics, beer barrel tables, and endless tree stump place holders. 

3. Beachy

If you didn’t have a destination wedding now is definitely the time to do so for your renewal. Beach themed vow renewal invites are the perfect way to tell everyone they better bring their bathing suits. 

4. Funny

Who doesn’t love a joke and the chance to spend time with friends? If you’re the couple with a great sense of humor please do everyone a favor and grab some funny invitations for your anniversary party. 

5. Milestone-Specific

My husband and I waited until our ten year anniversary to renew our vows and if you’re doing something similar then year specific invitations make perfect sense. Making it any amount of time in a marriage is something to be celebrated, but especially if it’s been 20, 30 or even 50 years. 

6. Destination Invites

Who says your vow renewal has to be a small get together in your backyard. You’ve been together for years, you’ve saved some money, have the destination wedding of your dreams. And make sure to let everyone know where to buy their plane tickets for with some invitations themed based on the destination. And if you haven’t noticed yet, I absolutely love Basic Invite. They are one of the few websites that allows customers almost unlimited color options and has instant previews online. Once a design is selected, change the color of each element on the card if you’d like. With over 180 colors to choose from, the invite is sure to be exactly what you want. With a variety like that, they literally have something for everyone.

7. Foil

I can’t think of anything prettier than foil invitations. Perfect for any theme, they shimmer as you move them and are literally pure beauty. Basic Invite offers their foil invites in gold, silver, and rose gold. And you can chose from flat or raised foil on all of their foil designs.

8. Black and White

Talk about a classic. Black and white invitations are as elegant as they come. With tons of customizability these invitations are honestly perfect for any occasion. Black tie affair, industrial, modern, farmhouse, whatever you’re looking for black and white can fit the bill. 

9. Minimalist

If you’re not too big on elegant designs, florals, or any of that other stuff than some minimalist invitations may be just right for you. Keep in mind that minimalist does not have to mean white with black text either. We absolutely loved our 10 year vow renewal invitations, which were very minimalistic. Black with gold writing and the most beautiful calligraphy I was so happy with how they turned out.

10. Watercolor

One of my favorites, right next to minimalist for sure. Watercolor invitations can be found in so many different designs. From floral, abstract, to classic or even rustic or custom the variety is what makes these a top choice for me. If you’re one who loves the look of 

Cute Wording to Use in Your Vow Renewal Invites

Now that we’ve gotten the look of the invitations out of the way, the real question is what are they going to say? Vow renewal invitations wording can be as fun as you’d like it. Saying like “I Do Again” or “We Still Do” are a cute and fun way to let everyone know you’re renewing your vows. 

Looking for something a little more formal? “Your presence is requested as we reaffirm our wedding vows” or “Because you have shared in our lives with friendship and love we’d like to cordially invite you to the renewal ceremony for our wedding vows.” 

Have a theme you’re going for, use that too. For example at our ten year anniversary renewal ceremony our theme was “Love Never Fails.” It was on the top of our invitations as well as all over the venue in different ways. 

We absolutely loved our 10 year vow renewal invitations, which were very minimalistic. Black with gold writing and the most beautiful calligraphy I was so happy with how they turned out.

With all the planning ahead of you, I hope this post gives you some relief from trying to figure out your vow renewal invitations. It’s one less thing on the long to-do list when it comes to getting ready for your second big day. No matter what your theme, location, or budget, remember a vow renewal should celebrate the love and life two special people have made together. How through the test of time you’ve persevered. 

Did I miss any invitation ideas? Let me know in the comments below what you plan to use.

The post 10 Vow Renewal Invitations to Inspire Your “I Do Again” Wedding Planning appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

You see, my husband and I learned the hard way just how important communication was. After nine years of what I thought was a failed marriage, I was ready to give up. It obviously wasn’t working. What more was left for us to do other than divorce and move on?  Thankfully that’s not the route we took. 

Communication, it sounds so easy, right? Who doesn’t know how to talk? But there’s so much more to it than that. 

12 Ways to Communicate Effectively with Your Spouse

The goal is to figure out how to communicate better in a relationship, even if you think you already know how. Because that was me. I didn’t need anyone telling me how to talk. Shoot, I was an oversharer. I loved to talk. So there’s no way I wasn’t communicating correctly. It had to be all him. Or so I thought.

1. Keep the Line of Communication Open at All Times

Being someone who prided themselves on being vulnerable I felt like my husband knew he could come to me about anything, at any time. But when we sat in therapy for the first time and he said he felt like he couldn’t talk to me I was left confused. 

What had I done that made him feel that way? I was constantly asking him how he felt about things. If there was anything he wanted to share, etc. And surprisingly enough it was just that that was the problem. My oversharer, among other things, often left him feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. To him, I shared so much that he could never get a word in. My excessively talkative nature shut him down. I guess he said I did enough talking for the both of us, lol. 

Learning to shut up and actively listen, not just to his words but his body language improved our relationship tremendously. While I couldn’t force him to talk to me, I could let him know I was there, and ready to truly listen whenever he felt comfortable. 

2. Don’t Try to Hide Your Feelings

One of the first things our therapist told my husband was “If you want to learn how to communicate better with your spouse, one of the first steps is to be open and honest, not bottling up your emotions.” And it rang so true, for the both of us. 

While I’d like to blame it all on him, the truth is neither of us was being completely honest with the other. Something would upset me and instead of speaking on it, I’d say the infamous “it’s fine.” Knowing full well that it wasn’t. As for him, he’d just ignore situations all together. Pretending as if everything was great, until it finally wasn’t. 

We were both ticking time bombs. We knew when the other had had enough, but still wouldn’t address the issue. Instead we’d blow up about something as small as leaving a cup in the sink. From there the arguments would spiral out of control about only God knows what. 

I can’t stress to you enough how important it is to speak when something is bothering you. This doesn’t mean, allowing your anger to fuel the conversation. But learning to effectively communicate when your spouse has wronged you is healthy communication, and a blessing. 

3. Understand & Practice the Difference Between Fighting and Communicating

As I mentioned above, learning to effectively communicate with your husband or wife without fighting is hands down the best thing married couples can do. Conflict does not have to be avoided. Using the following techniques has the potential to improve most conversations. 

4. Use “We” More Than “You”

No one likes to feel like they’re being attacked. And the same is true for your spouse. Using “We” in place of you can help bring their guard down and potentially prevent them from jumping on the defense. 

For example, “I think we’re spending too much money. Let’s look at ways we can save.” instead of “I think you’re spending too much money. You need to stop.”

When saying the issue using the word we it’s less accusatory and sounds more like a goal both parties can work on. After all, marriage is a partnership. There is no “I” in “team.” 

5. Realize You’re Not a Mind Reader (& Don’t Try to Be)

Healthy communication does not include assuming. And this is something our therapist taught us early on. Clarify everything. If you think your husband was trying to be funny when he asked what you’d done all day, clarify what he meant. You never know, he could truly just be curious and looking to make conversation. 

• If you think your wife is downing your cleaning when she asks if you’ve cleaned the kitchen, clarify why she’s asking. Maybe she didn’t notice you had cleaned it. Or maybe (if you’re like us) your five children completely destroyed the kitchen in the short amount of time since it’s been clean. 

The point is, clarifying what someone means, no matter how obvious their words may seem to be, can help alleviate a lot of issues. Not only that, but it can also help couples learn each other better. For us, we had spent so much time assuming we knew what the other meant, that we had created this “idea” of who we were, who our spouse was, and what our marriage was. When in actuality, it was nothing like it. 

6. Avoid “Never” and “Always” Statements

This is one I am so guilty of. Similar to using you all the time, saying never and always almost always makes the other feel some negative emotions. It may seem like they never do xy or z, but more than likely that just isn’t true. 

For example, “you never help with chores around the house” when really he/she does, just maybe not often enough.  

This is not to say that one shouldn’t communicate when they feel someone else is not helping enough, showing up when they said they would or just overall not holding up their end of the bargain. Of course you should, but its all about the way you choose to do so. 

Your communication style can dictate the outcome. The saying is true, you get more bees with honey. We like to use phrases such as, “ The chores in the house are becoming overwhelming. Is there something we can both do to ensure they are getting done in a timely manner?” Or “I remember last week when you mentioned you’d help with the dishes more, is there something I can do to help support you with that? Would reminding you help? Or do you have any other suggestions?”

7. Be Specific and Stick to the Topic/Issue at Hand

At the moment, you may want to bring up every grievance once things get going, but having effective communication in marriage does not translate to throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks.  If the issue is how the dishes aren’t being done, then that’s the topic. Including how you felt last week when your spouse forgot to bring dinner home is not a topic up for discussion. 

My husband and I set aside time to chat.  Depending on the issue, will set the tone for when and how we do so. If there’s something that needs to be talked about / handled sooner than later we do just that. I can’t stress enough how important it is to make sure both parties are open to talking at that time. 

If there is something that can wait, or maybe we have a few things we need to address (smaller things that aren’t particularly important) we use our weekly check-ins to do so. This gives us the opportunity to check in with one another, express not only our concerns but also praise / gratitude as well. Ensuring we both walk away feeling productive versus being beaten down by our spouse. 

8. Ask, Don’t Accuse

Part of learning how to communicate better in a marriage is by believing what your spouse tells you. Going back to earlier in this post, clarifying what is meant is key. A person’s tone of voice or facial expression may make you think they mean one thing, when in truth they are thinking about a million other things while trying to deliver a piece of information to you. Thus not even realizing how they are being perceived. 

9. Keep Your Voice Calm and Controlled

One of my biggest questions for my therapist was how to communicate with your spouse when angry? As a child my parents did more yelling and screaming when angry then anything, so that’s what I thought was normal. Doing so, and evening saying some hurtful statements was all fair as long as you apologized after. Saying sorry made it okay, right? 

Not at all, and that was something I had to learn. Remaining calm in a stressful situation is no easy feat, but for the sake of others emotions, it is worth it. Taking a breath before speaking (or evening counting to ten) can help you remain calm thus controlling your temper better. Speaking from a place of anger is never the right answer, and will always end in destruction. The question is, how long can it last? 

10. Avoid Sarcasm

Let me be the one to tell you, sarcasm is never the answer. Truly. In our ten years of marriage I have yet to find a situation where sarcasm was welcomed with open arms. This is a form of broken communication and something you do not want to have in your arsenal. But especially when learning how to communicate better with your spouse.

Sarcasm often leaves others feeling degraded or less then. As if the one speaking feels superior to them. Even if you don’t see it that way, I’m sure they might. Leading with truth in a loving way will lead to a healthy relationship faster than sprinkles of sarcasm will any day. 

11. Listen Intently

Don’t think about what your response should be while they are still talking. Be intentional about listening carefully. I promise you, they know when you are actively listening versus just listening to respond. Effective communication skills include listening, which you can’t truly do if you’re waiting for the perfect moment to respond. 

12. Praise Your Spouse Regularly

We’re quick to communicate our negative feelings. We need to be just as quick and ready to express our positive emotions. Boy was this a hard one for me. As a mother, I am constantly trying to remember to praise my children. So adding my spouse seemed like yet another chore for me. Why does an adult need praise? Shouldn’t that be something they can do for themselves? 

Well, those questions are only half true. Here’s the thing, while it is never our job to make someone else happy. That simply is not a cup we can fill. It is our job to let others know when we are pleased with them. Or at least it should be. How is your wife going to know you appreciated her bringing you that extra snack to bed if you don’t tell her? Is your husband just going to know that doing laundry makes you happy? 

Communicating means telling the bad and the good. Speaking up when things bother us but also acknowledging the positive as well. 

Honestly, there are so many things that could be written about communication, especially when it comes to marriage. So while I don’t want you to think this is all that it takes, I am hoping this is a comprehensive enough list that helps you communicate better with your spouse. 

Marriage isn’t like what you see in fairy tales. It takes hard work and dedication. But with a little bit of both, you can have your happily ever after.

The post How to Communicate Better with Your Spouse (Methods That Work!) appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

There are numerous reasons why you may be thinking (or not thinking) of renewing your vows, maybe you are recommitting after overcoming a major challenge. Or there could be a big milestone approaching that you’re looking to celebrate. To me, there’s no wrong reason to recommit your marriage, only lots of right ones. 

What Is a Vow Renewal?

Before I go into why you should start planning your renewal of vows immediately, let’s define what a vow renewal ceremony actually is. To put it simply, it is a reaffirmation of your commitment to each other. A way to revisit the promises you once made. Think of it like, taking the intent of your original wedding and updating it to reflect who and where you are now. 

How Common Are Vow Renewals and What’s the Point of Them?

They’ve actually become increasingly popular over the last few years. With society putting more and more emphasis on showing someone how much you love them in the moment, as opposed to at their funeral (“giving them their flowers”) couples are using their wedding vow renewal ceremony to do just that. And I am here for it! 

5 Popular Reasons People Choose to Renew Their Vows

While I personally do not think you need a reason to celebrate true love surrounded by family and friends, here are the five most popular ones: 

1. You Have More Money Now and Can Throw the Wedding of Your Dreams

One of the reasons couples renew their vows is so they can have the actual wedding of their dreams. With time often comes wisdom and a better financial picture. No need to have parents chip in this time around, you two have got things covered. Which also means, you get to dictate just what you want. It’s truly your day, no family drama included.

2. You Want to Honor a Milestone Anniversary in a Big Way 

You two have been married for a while now. Made it through some really hard times and came out on top. Let’s face it, in this generation, that’s a big deal.Whether it’s a tenth, twentieth or even fiftieth, reaching a special anniversary deserves celebration. If this is your reason, adding an engraving on your wedding rings can be a special way to commemorate this milestone anniversary.

3. You Want to Celebrate with Your Children

Originally your closest friends and family came together to celebrate the union of two. And with love, perseverance and a little fun you’ve made some beautiful mini me’s who I am sure would love to be a part of all the things. 

Planning a wedding renewal is the perfect way to celebrate the family you two have made together. Getting them involved can be so much fun. Maybe they’re your best man or maid of honor. And exchanging vows that include their names will surely make their faces light up. It can also be a great way for them to see just how special marriage can truly be. Like the saying goes “You can’t be what you’ve never seen before.” 

4. You Need a Fresh Start After a Rough Patch 

Unfortunately, this is something I wish wasn’t a reason. Solely because I, myself know all too well the hurt / pain that can come from an affair. But if you’re like me and believe in second chances then this is as good a reason as any to start your planning. 

And honestly a rough patch doesn’t have to mean an affair. It could be that you two felt like you’d grown apart but are recommitting to what your relationship once was. Sometimes grand romantic gestures are just what we need when conflict and disconnection has been the norm in our marriage. Another reason could be that communication hasn’t been the best but you’ve since seen a couples counselor and are wanting to be more intentional with each other. Whatever it is, having an intimate (or not) ceremony to reclaim what was once lost can be a beautiful expression of love. 

5. You Want to Make a Grand Romantic Gesture 

Nothing says I love you like a surprise vow renewal in an exotic location hint hint wink wink. No, but seriously. Do you really need a reason to show your spouse how much you love them? Love, true love, that stands the test of time is so fleeting these days. If you have it, celebrate it. 

6. BONUS: It’s a mix of all of these

For us, there were a number of reasons that led us to renew our vows. Outside of not being able to have the wedding I dreamed of as a kid. Being six months pregnant will do that to you. We also really needed a fresh start. After months of couples counseling, deciding we were giving each other a “do-over”, forgetting about the past and moving forward, it only felt right to celebrate all the work we’d done with the ceremony of our dreams. Well mostly my dreams, lol. My husband was just happy to see me happy. Which was even better because it meant less arguments and more me getting what I wanted. 

How Soon Can You Renew Your Wedding Vows?

There’s really no right or wrong time for when couples renew their vows. To me, any time is a good time. I’d say instead of focusing on the when, think of the why. Why do you want to renew your vows? And if it’s a good enough reason for you, than its a good enough reason. I know some say a milestone anniversary is best, but even then people will have things to say. I mean, we did ours at our 10 year anniversary and some said we should have waited. Something about 10 years is not that long. Which I completely disagree with. I actually have a post all about wedding vow renewal ideas for your 10 year anniversary. Again, because “I” thought it was a great time. Instead of focusing on the when or what others have to say, focus on your why. I mean it’s the reason you got married to begin with, right. To focus on the two of you only. 

Is 5 Years Too Soon?

We waited until our ten year anniversary to celebrate, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Whether you’ve been married for five years or five decades, it’s never too late (or early) for a vow renewal. As I stated above, it’s more about the why than the amount of time. If at your five year milestone wedding anniversary renewing your promises to each other feels right, then do it.  Love is a beautiful thing and deserves to be celebrated, but especially love that’s stood the test of time. I know for us the first few years of marriage were hard. Harder than we expected, honestly. So no, I say five year or even at one year. If you made it through, celebrate that! 

Does a Vow Renewal Have to Be on Your Anniversary?

It’s your day. No, it doesn’t have to be on your anniversary. I mean what happens if your anniversary is on a Tuesday? It’s about what you two have accomplished as a couple more than anything else. All those other details don’t really matter. 

So…Is a Vow Renewal Worth It? It Was for Me

A vow renewal isn’t for everyone, but for some, it can be a wonderful celebration. If you’re on the fence about throwing a vow renewal, don’t be. No matter what your  reason, whether it’s wanting to get the kids involved, finally having the wedding you always wanted, or a combination of a couple of things, my advice is, and will always be, to do it! 

The post 5 Reasons Why People Renew Their Vows (& Why You May Want to As Well!) appeared first on Not So Perfect Momma.

Should You Renew Your Vows at 10 Years? 

Before we jump in, let’s discuss if having such a ceremony is right for you. For us, ten years marked quite a few milestones. Between his parents and mind, our marriage was the first to have lasted this long. It was also a rededication to ourselves after infidelity. But most importantly, it was a way to start over. A clean slate. 

Maybe you can relate. A do-over is just what your marriage needs. On the other hand, perhaps it’s been a decade and you want to celebrate. Or it could be that your first wedding wasn’t what you wanted. Having your dream wedding, or any other reason you may be thinking are all the validation you need to plan a vow renewal, IMO. 

What Is a Vow Renewal?

A vow renewal is a celebratory ceremony for a married couple to reaffirm their commitment / vows to one another. Some also look at it as their “do over” wedding.  Popular for milestone anniversaries (10, 25, or 50 years), but rest assured there is no “rule” about when to have one.

Why Our 10th Anniversary Was the Perfect Time to Renew Our Vows

Putting the issues of an affair aside, being with someone this long means a lot of memories. Mostly good, but there were also moments that weren’t the best for us. Having a second chance, or “do over” allowed us to recommit to our wedding vows. Putting behind the past. We moved forward with who we are now, without the heavy weight of who we used to be. 

Celebrating a decade of love should never need a reason., but if you’re looking for one I have a few. As I mentioned above, we were working through a former affair, trying to leave behind past pain, and a host of other things. So for us, our ten year wedding anniversary couldn’t have come at a better time. Taking the time to devote ourselves back to our love was just what we needed. 

You may be in a similar position or you may just want to celebrate the time, effort, and hard work it took for the both of you to get here. Marriage is hard, and working together, choosing love each and every day for ten years deserves a celebration. 

How to Plan a 10-Year Vow Renewal: What You Need to Know

Your ten year vow renewal is just for you. Which means it can be as elaborate or as simple as you want. With there being no wrong or right when it comes to vow renewal ideas, take this time to reflect on the promises the two of you have made. You and your union are the main focus. 

It’s important to note this is not considered your wedding day. What that means is, it is not a legally binding ceremony. So let one of your closest friends who’s known the two of you since college officiate. You don’t have to walk down the aisle if you don’t want to. Nor does anyone have to give away anyone. It’s all up to you. 

This is truly your day

If you want it to be similar to a wedding, it can be. If you have something creative in mind, do it!  Make it as personal as you’d like. I think that was my favorite part of the entire planning process. There was no one I had to make happy. It truly was our day, which meant I got to decide the what, when, how and where. 

With so much freedom, there are still a few things you may want to consider when planning. For starters, sit down with your spouse and come up with a must have list. Is there a song from your first dance you’d liked played? Perhaps a poem with a personal significance you’d like read aloud. Don’t forget the things you don’t want while you’re at it. Remember, this is your chance to do it how the two of you want.

Unique 10-Year Vow Renewal Ceremony Ideas

The Location

The ceremony itself can take place in a house of worship or any location really. There are no rules that say where you have to renew your vows. From the backyard to the beach or even somewhere exotic, the possibilities are endless. 

Consider how many people you plan to invite. Smaller crowds are perfect for an intimate home renewal or a cute local park. But if you plan on going big on your celebration larger hotels, golf courses, or even Vegas are great options. Oh, I can’t forget Hawaii. If we ever do another anniversary event, that will be top of my list. For ours, we found the cutest venue about an hour from our house that held 50 people. Perfect for our family and friends. 

The Theme

Now to the fun stuff. If you’re like me, coming up with the theme is probably the best part. Start by reflecting on the style of your wedding. Do you want something similar? Or completely opposite? Just like a wedding, 10 year vow renewal themes can be endless. Ours was “Love Never Fails” taken from 1 Corinthians 13. It is a bible verse that means a lot to the both of us. Some other themes to consider are:

• Rustic – similar to a farmhouse theme, but a little more chic. This is perfect for the beach, a park or even your own home.
• Backyard – We seriously considered this theme ourselves. We originally were planning to have it in our backyard and wanted more of a casual setting. 
• Intimate – something smaller with fewer people and less decor. It’s more about the why then the what. 
• We still do – This is one of the more popular themes. I’ve seen tons of invites and the cutest vow renewal photography with couples holding signs saying this. 
• Love is patient – Taken from our favorite Bible verse, this theme also speaks to couples looking to revive what they once had. 
• Boho – Pampas grass, mismatched chairs, and oriental rugs, need I say more! 
• Use your anniversary as the theme – Depending on what year of marriage you are renewing your vows consider using that as your theme. The theme for a ten year anniversary is silver and blue, because it is the “tin” anniversary. 
• Our Love Story – share your love story starting from after the wedding day. It’s a perfect way to show how much not only you both have grown together. But also how your love has stood the test of time. 
• Do Over – This is perfect for the couple that wants their dream wedding the second time around. Using phrases like “lets try this again,” or “No regrets the first time, but.” 

The Dress

The dress is one of the grey areas for me. You’ll see tons of people say not to spend on a traditional wedding dress. And while I can understand the sentiment, what to wear when you renew your vows solely depends on the purpose of the ceremony to me. As I’ve mentioned, we didn’t have an actual wedding. My husband and I got married in our backyard with our mothers as witnesses. Being 6 months pregnant, I grabbed a dress from H&M and hoped it would fit. So this time around, I wanted to do the opposite and splurge on my dress. 

But, if you’ve already had the wedding of your dreams, finding a cute dress on Amazon, or another store is totally acceptable. I’ve seen some amazing dresses, perfect for any themed vow renewal, and they were from places I wouldn’t have believed. 

Maybe you want to feel like a princess in a room with your closest friends. Perhaps you’re more into what the photographer is going to capture and want something that will look good from all angles. In my opinion, whether it is your wedding day, vow renewal or your birthday, as long as you feel amazing, it shouldn’t matter what that looks like. 

The Rings

You may be wondering how do you exchange rings when you renew your vows? There are a few options here. My husband and I kept our original rings, and held hands most of our ceremony. But this is a great chance to upgrade them or even get the rings engraved. The engraving can be a special message, your anniversary, or even a mix of the two. If you do opt to have your rings engraved, you can then exchange them after you’ve both had a chance to say your vows.  

Another option is to purchase new rings, such as a special band, to wear with your original ring. No matter what you decide, just remember your rings serve as a visual reminder of your continuing love and commitment to one another. Your love is not found in their value. 

The Vows or Poems

This may be the most important part of the ceremony. Depending on what you and your spouse have decided your 10 year vow renewal poems can be a mixture of numerous things. During the ceremony you can exchange the vows you originally said. 

Or, similar to what we did, you can make up new ones. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room during our vow exchange. It was beautiful to hear all the ways our love has grown over the years, especially when it came to our children. 

While there are no rules, what you say during this part of your celebration should reflect your past, present and future. Speak on how far you have come and where you plan on going. Love is a beautiful thing that is ever changing. Putting your story into words for others to hear can be a breathtaking experience. 

Are There Any Rules or Etiquette to Follow When Renewing Vows for Your 10th Anniversary?

Rules, what rules??? The only rules to consider are common courtesy and good manners. Commemorate this special occasion any time and place you’d like. Have a grand wedding or an intimate backyard party. Just make sure to send out invitations. We also sent out a save the date so our guests could mark their calendars, but I wouldn’t say it’s a requirement. Speaking of save the dates, we used a digital one we found on Etsy but our invitations were paper. Whatever you decide, know that this is a special day just for you two. It’s time to celebrate the life you’ve built together and nothing else matters!  

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Why do I need to take my body back to learn to enjoy sex?

Learning to enjoy sex first starts with taking ownership of your body. In a world where hot girl summer and feminism are at an all time high, this may not seem too hard. But if you’re a millennial mom like me, you’ve been taught your entire life that sex was something that man enjoyed. And if you, the woman enjoyed it, that was because you were nasty. A hoe, or any other derogatory word you want to insert there. But here’s the thing, it’s not.

How do I take my body back to learn to enjoy sex?

Taking your body back may sound simple, but its really more mental then anything else. You have to push past all the negative stigmas that come with sex. Getting past the thoughts of being dirty or disgusting if you do this or that in the bedroom and learn to embrace the sexual being God created you to be. Listen girl, God himself created you to have sex. He literally said be fruitful. Im pretty sure he didn’t mean lay on your back and count all the things you have to do today while your husband has the time of his life. And that’s biblical. So ignore those thoughts, because its just the devil anyway.

Learn to enjoy sex by being in the moment

With our two page long to-do list, we as mothers, can easily drift in and out of any situation. And I’m sure its something we learn at an early age. Being present without necessarily being present. But when it comes to learning to enjoy sex, it is of the upmost importance that we are actually present. Even if you aren’t in the mood, try to be. That’s what foreplay is for. Block all that other stuff out and really tap into the moment. Focus on what’s happening. Let your senses really feel and come to terms with whats happening. I promise you, once you’ve mastered this, sex becomes a whole new thing each and every time.

Learning to enjoy sex by first knowing your body

So once you’ve gotten past the negativity around sex and you’ve taught yourself how to be in the moment next learn your body. Take time to figure out what you like. Be adventurous. Ask your partner to try different things during foreplay and don’t be afraid to speak up during sex either. If you like something, say it! And if something doesn’t feel right to you, then voice that as well.
Look, I literally had a 6 month period where my husband and I tried different things until I found what worked for me. This included me trying positions I’d never seen before, speaking up when something felt good and finally letting him know that the biting thing just wasn’t for me.
At the end of the day we all have our own things. Things that make us excited to be with our partners, but if you don’t explore you’ll never know what they are. Learning to enjoy sex first starts by learning what you enjoy.

Learning to enjoy sex first starts by learning yourself

As moms, its easy for us to fall victim to the thought process of putting everyone’s needs before our own. And it can come at a costly price. So for me, learning to enjoy sex was me taking not only my body back, but my life back. I was saying I am not just a mother or wife. I am Jazmyne. I enjoy hood music, cooking, spending time with my kids AND sex. And I have absolutely no shame in that.
So mama, this evening take some time to figure your body out. This can be with or without your partner. Either way, doesn’t matter. Just make sure you take the time to learn yourself. Its one of the most empowering this I’ve ever done.
Love,
 
Jazmyne

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If you’re here from Instagram, first let me say, thank you! I appreciate your support more than I could ever say. Ok, now moving on to why you’re actually here.

Weekly Check In’s

First, let me explain what a “weekly check in” is. Weekly check ins are when two individuals talk about their progress as one. So two people working towards something as one unit. This can include going over goals, expectations on how to reach said goals, what has or has not been working to achieve the goals and more. But it should also include checking in as a spouse. So, how have I been doing as a wife? Is there a way I could support you more? Would you prefer I leave dinner out for you when you get home late or pack it up and you can make your own plate?

Same goes for anything relating to the children. Are there ways I can support you bonding with the kids more? What can I do to be on the same page with you regarding discipline? Literally any subject is up for grabs. And these same questions go for the husband as well.

Weekly check ins should be a space for the two of you to get together and build on what you already have. It requires commitment, open mindedness, and vulnerability. But most of all, it requires the willingness of both parties to listen and learn from each other. This is the most important part, so make sure you got that.

It requires the willingness of both parties.

Why weekly Check Ins?

Weekly check ins can be a very valuable asset in any relationship, married or not. As a couple, you two are a team and weekly check ins ensure it stays that way.

Now, you may ask, well do we have to do it weekly? And while the short answer is no, for me, I have found doing this consistently on the weekly basis allows for a more honest and open discuss as time goes on. In addition it cuts out any chance for things to pester or linger between one another since each person knows there will be a time and place to discuss any wrong doings.

How do you start weekly check ins?

Like most things, you just have to start. Sit your partner down, explain the goal of the activity, make sure they are on board with it, and start talking.

Now I’ll be honest, in the beginning it’s not going to be perfect. Girl, when Des and I started his response was always, “okay.” Literally no matter what I said. It drove me up a wall. Like, you don’t have anything else to say? No rebuttal, no explanation, nothing, huh?

But I quickly learned that while I may have a lot to say in my defense of a particular situation I one; couldn’t expect him to react how I would and two; needed to stop being so quick to reply.

Often times a quick response does not equate to a sincere one. Let me say that one more time for your aunties in the back. A quick response does not equate to a sincere one.

Taking time to digest the information being presented to you. Mapping out how to proceed in the future for a more successful outcome and then voicing said ideas should take time, if you’re sincere that is.

What if my partner isn’t interested in weekly check ins?

That’s okay. Desmond wanted no parts at first. Isn’t it funny how we as women often come up with all these plans to fix or  make something better without truly taking our counterparts feelings into consideration? Oh, that’s just me?

So how did I get Des on board? Time and patience. I started out slow. Hey babe, can you set aside 15 minutes to talk to me on Wednesday? Yes, I had to schedule a time to talk to my husband. And while I hated it at first, it gave him time to mentally prepare for what was coming, which  ultimately resulted in better discussions. And as time has passed our check ins  have become more doable and now we are able to have discussions right on the spot. Where as before if the wrong person said the wrong thing at the wrong time it would not end well. Oh, that’s just me again huh?

Topics to cover in weekly check ins?

This part is going to vary based on your relationship and overall goal of the activity but in the beginning heres what we started with:

1. Spouse duties – expectations versus reality.
   1. This was an important one for us going into marriage we both had a lot of “expectations” of what our spouse was SUPPOSED to do. Boy, were those thrown out the window quickly, but that’s not to say it didn’t start a lot of unnecessary arguments at first.
2. Supporting one another – how to
   1. This one was big for Des for many reasons and at first I struggled with understanding it’s importance. But I think that was mainly in part to the fact the he and I had different definitions of what support meant.
3. Running a successful household – what that looked out
4. Financial and material goals – what we wanted to achieve by when and how to do it.

I want to say that not all of these topics have to be talked about each check in or even all at once. Starting out check ins may be overwhelming, I mean, at first you’re like, so Im supposed to sit here while he tells me how bad of a wife I’ve been. He’s ungrateful. (Yep these were some of my first thoughts, and I’m the one who wanted to do check ins to begin with). So take your time. If it gets to be too much, end it. Check ins aren’t meant to cause arguments, but to prevent them. But it’s going to take time.

How to know when you’ve had a successful check in?

Success is such a subjective word, but mostly it should depend on how you felt leaving the conversation. Was it productive? Did you walk away with some action steps to better your marriage and attack some goals? If yes, then congratulations, its been a success!

In summary, weekly check ins can be an amazing tool to strength your marriage/relationship. It will take time to get into a grove with your partner. Learning to listen and grow together, understanding that it’s not an attack but concerns and healthy criticism help you evolve and your relationship will blossom into #marriagegoals. So start off slow and work your way up, making sure that both of you are willing participants along the way.

Weekly check ins literally saved my marriage during a time I thought there was no hope left. So I pray this information can be useful to you or someone you may know.

Let me know your thoughts below. Would you ever try something like this? If you have, how’d it go? Would you do it again or was it just not right for you and your relationship?

Love,

Jazmyne

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