Weekly Check in’s

Hey Mama,

If you’re here from Instagram, first let me say, thank you! I appreciate your support more than I could ever say. Ok, now moving on to why you’re actually here.

Weekly Check In’s

First, let me explain what a “weekly check in” is. Weekly check ins are when two individuals talk about their progress as one. So two people working towards something as one unit. This can include going over goals, expectations on how to reach said goals, what has or has not been working to achieve the goals and more. But it should also include checking in as a spouse. So, how have I been doing as a wife? Is there a way I could support you more? Would you prefer I leave dinner out for you when you get home late or pack it up and you can make your own plate?

Same goes for anything relating to the children. Are there ways I can support you bonding with the kids more? What can I do to be on the same page with you regarding discipline? Literally any subject is up for grabs. And these same questions go for the husband as well.

Weekly check ins should be a space for the two of you to get together and build on what you already have. It requires commitment, open mindedness, and vulnerability. But most of all, it requires the willingness of both parties to listen and learn from each other. This is the most important part, so make sure you got that.

It requires the willingness of both parties.

Why weekly Check Ins?

Weekly check ins can be a very valuable asset in any relationship, married or not. As a couple, you two are a team and weekly check ins ensure it stays that way.

Now, you may ask, well do we have to do it weekly? And while the short answer is no, for me, I have found doing this consistently on the weekly basis allows for a more honest and open discuss as time goes on. In addition it cuts out any chance for things to pester or linger between one another since each person knows there will be a time and place to discuss any wrong doings.

How do you start weekly check ins?

Like most things, you just have to start. Sit your partner down, explain the goal of the activity, make sure they are on board with it, and start talking.

Now I’ll be honest, in the beginning it’s not going to be perfect. Girl, when Des and I started his response was always, “okay.” Literally no matter what I said. It drove me up a wall. Like, you don’t have anything else to say? No rebuttal, no explanation, nothing, huh?

But I quickly learned that while I may have a lot to say in my defense of a particular situation I one; couldn’t expect him to react how I would and two; needed to stop being so quick to reply.

Often times a quick response does not equate to a sincere one. Let me say that one more time for your aunties in the back. A quick response does not equate to a sincere one.

Taking time to digest the information being presented to you. Mapping out how to proceed in the future for a more successful outcome and then voicing said ideas should take time, if you’re sincere that is.

What if my partner isn’t interested in weekly check ins?

That’s okay. Desmond wanted no parts at first. Isn’t it funny how we as women often come up with all these plans to fix or  make something better without truly taking our counterparts feelings into consideration? Oh, that’s just me?

So how did I get Des on board? Time and patience. I started out slow. Hey babe, can you set aside 15 minutes to talk to me on Wednesday? Yes, I had to schedule a time to talk to my husband. And while I hated it at first, it gave him time to mentally prepare for what was coming, which  ultimately resulted in better discussions. And as time has passed our check ins  have become more doable and now we are able to have discussions right on the spot. Where as before if the wrong person said the wrong thing at the wrong time it would not end well. Oh, that’s just me again huh?

Topics to cover in weekly check ins?

This part is going to vary based on your relationship and overall goal of the activity but in the beginning heres what we started with:

1. Spouse duties – expectations versus reality.
   1. This was an important one for us going into marriage we both had a lot of “expectations” of what our spouse was SUPPOSED to do. Boy, were those thrown out the window quickly, but that’s not to say it didn’t start a lot of unnecessary arguments at first.
2. Supporting one another – how to
   1. This one was big for Des for many reasons and at first I struggled with understanding it’s importance. But I think that was mainly in part to the fact the he and I had different definitions of what support meant.
3. Running a successful household – what that looked out
4. Financial and material goals – what we wanted to achieve by when and how to do it.

I want to say that not all of these topics have to be talked about each check in or even all at once. Starting out check ins may be overwhelming, I mean, at first you’re like, so Im supposed to sit here while he tells me how bad of a wife I’ve been. He’s ungrateful. (Yep these were some of my first thoughts, and I’m the one who wanted to do check ins to begin with). So take your time. If it gets to be too much, end it. Check ins aren’t meant to cause arguments, but to prevent them. But it’s going to take time.

How to know when you’ve had a successful check in?

Success is such a subjective word, but mostly it should depend on how you felt leaving the conversation. Was it productive? Did you walk away with some action steps to better your marriage and attack some goals? If yes, then congratulations, its been a success!

In summary, weekly check ins can be an amazing tool to strength your marriage/relationship. It will take time to get into a grove with your partner. Learning to listen and grow together, understanding that it’s not an attack but concerns and healthy criticism help you evolve and your relationship will blossom into #marriagegoals. So start off slow and work your way up, making sure that both of you are willing participants along the way.

Weekly check ins literally saved my marriage during a time I thought there was no hope left. So I pray this information can be useful to you or someone you may know.

Let me know your thoughts below. Would you ever try something like this? If you have, how’d it go? Would you do it again or was it just not right for you and your relationship?

Love,

 

Jazmyne