Having one child can do a number on you. Mentally, physically, and very much so, emotionally. So why in the world would I chose to have four???
I get compliments from strangers all the time. “Oh wow, you had four kids?” And I’m always left thinking, that’s because I have clothes on. If you could see my sagging breast, floppy arms and flattened basketball of a stomach I’m sure you wouldn’t be as surprised.
Now, I know, I know…Ive had four kids, my body isn’t going to be perfect. But sweet baby Jesus, can I just get rid of these darn love handles? I mean seriously. Its like no matter how many squats, crunches or other ab busting exercises my husband comes up with (he’s a personal trainer), they just won’t leave. They’re always there. Lurking. A constant reminder of what my body will never look like again.
But let me cut the dramatics. If I’m being honest, I’ve been about as consistent with my work out routine as my five year old is with putting her book bag in the right place. You get it? It never freaking happens. But still, a girl can dream, right? Sounds better that way.
So what does my body look like after four kids? Visually it isn’t too bad. I mean, my stomachs all wrinkly like that one balloon that got away from you just as you were about to tie it. You know the one. After it’s flown all over the room, releasing every ounce of air it took you 2 hours to blow into it and finally lands wrinkled and misshapen. Yea, just imagine that as my lower half. As I mentioned above, I have the usual suspects. Love handles, saggy breast and jiggly arm meat. No surprise there. We’ve all seen the movies. I’m pretty sure you would of expected that.
What I’m here to talk about is everything you don’t see. The stuff no one tells you about. Like that fact that the more epidurals you have the more back pain you’re likely to have. Let’s not forget mom brain. You know how when your pregnant and can’t remember anything. Multiple that by 4, add some sugar and stir it rapidly for 30 mins. That’s your brain after four kids. Seriously, I have to remind myself about things so I don’t forget.
Oh and did I mention the body hair? You’ll get hair in places you never thought you would. While simultaneously losing clumps of hair from your head big enough to sew yourself a new living room rug. Can’t sew? Me either. Don’t worry I found a no-sew option on Pinterest.
Think you can handle all of that? You’re one tough momma right? Now throw in night sweats, awkward vaginal smells, skin dryer than the Sahara Dessert (but only in the most random of spots), breast so flat your 13 year old niece makes fun of you and a dash of heat flashes. Sure you still got this?
Like all mommas, having children is literally the biggest blessing of my life. Although I am not completely happy with how my body reacted to housing four parasites for a cumulative total of 40 months, I wouldn’t change any of it. What I will do though, is warn you. Because unlike you, no one told me, although to be fair if they had, I know of four children who probably wouldn’t be here today.
If you’re a mom already, what changes have you experienced that I may have left out? Let’s help a future momma out.